I have recently seen two ‘jokes’ related to marriage and cheating. One went like a man can cheat on his wife with several women and the woman can endure. But all it takes for the woman to totally destroy the man is cheat on him with just one man.
Last week Lovine Mboya talked about the indelicate topic of ethical non-monogamy as a cure to chronic adultery that plagues marriages. Living in Nairobi has ‘taught us’ things. A friend recently joked that there are husbands who get less sex than their wife’s boyfriend. Happens.
One of the articles that shook Kenyans appeared in the Saturday Nation’s Saturday Magazine sometime in 2005. It was about a wife-swapping club in one of the suburbs of Nairobi. Our Christian and Muslim country recoiled at such a thought of debauchery. The article outlined that couples meet, they do the regular testing for HIV and all, then men place car keys a basket and the key a woman picks determines the man she will sleep with.
It is fairly common in European cities, but still not acceptable. I don’t remember if the story was ever verified, but it can happen. I have met men who freely shared women and women, both educated, and often ignorant, don’t seem to mind sleeping with two men who are friends or related. Would love to hear from a woman, why they do that. For men, it is mostly greed and bad manners.
Even so, there are those who prefer exclusive relationships. They can only date one individual at a time.
But there is another idea, that was probably practiced in the African past, and has been fairly common in European intellectual circles. It is the idea of an open relationship. Like you are married to someone but you allow each other to have sex outside. Simone de Beauvoir, the French existential philosopher had an open relationship with Jean-Paul Sartre, a fellow philosopher. She had many lovers, and Satre was cool. Writer, Paul Bowles had an open relationship with his wife, Jane, but both were gay, and the marriage was more of a cover or convenient arrangement.
I know many guys here with advanced views and who don’t see sex as a deal-breaker, as some of us.
In her latest article, see link in the comment section, Lovine Mboya tries to explain what ethical non-monogamy means, for those who read her last week’s piece wrong.
By Silas Nyanchwani via Facebook