Why I gave up on Luo women
I wanted to marry a Luo woman. Their pride, elegance, grace (when not drunk), personality and exuberance used to drive crazy in my younger and impressionable years. If you have ever danced with a drunk, but energetic Luo woman in a Kisumu club, at around 2.07 a.m., you will understand what I mean.
If I say that Luo women are the most blessed with the best derrières and curviest bodies within the tropics, it will not be a stretch. Besides, I have always liked them darker. There is a mystique and an erotic challenge that black, shapely women exude. To me, Luo women always gave me this blood rush that awakened the animal in me.
It is no coincidence that the two most beautiful women in my college days (by consensus) were Luo. One had a wonderful detachable waist, so thin, so elegant that she reminded you of all the porn you had watched that you would like to try at some time. She walked with such a dignified grace; we never concentrated in class, if she came in late. Many men often confided to me that there were about 1001 things they would with to her given half a chance. But she used to play a higher league; Moi Avenue chips and chicken would not cut.
The other one had the best derriere that had she become a socialite, Verah Sidika will still be an interior designer. Corazon Kwamboka will still be on course to become the best and most beautiful lawyer in Nairobi and not giving her father ‘ulcers’. No it wasn’t big. It just perfectly fit into her tall frame, and when she wore white hot-pants, she raised the temperature considerably around Nairobi. She was hot. It is believed that she caused the famous 2010 heat wave. But as we often joked, we could only eat them with our eyes. You would swim a crocodile infested Nile just to be in her presence.
I have had the poorest scoring record with Luo women. Out of the possible seven or eight that I courted or seduced, I never had my way with even one. 0/7. I used every trick in the book. Dates, nights out, Valentine Day dates, movies, dined and wined in the best joints I could afford in Nairobi. Nothing worked. Three of them said NO to my face after particularly expensive dinners. Something in me always repelled them. I begged many of them. I gave romance (besides coming from a tribe often ranked the second most unromantic in the universe), but nothing worked.
They broke my heart. I pursued them fervently with every rejection-the heart wants what the heart wants. The more I tried, the more I failed. At some point I gave up. They are annoyingly problematic. I need mention that this is not an attack on a community or a sexist rambling on women. I’m just taking it out on them. Blame my failures and frustrations.
Luo women are a handful. They can be demanding. They want more than they usually give, I came to learn. They are so bureaucratic and emotionally volatile. They are deceptively easy prey. Until you try and ten expensive dates later, you will be nowhere near to your bedroom than Raila is to State House. They will take you in circles, cycles, you end up dizzy and tired. When tired of their games and you have given up, they start chasing after you in annoying fashion, so bothersome, you want to report them to the police. Or was it just me?
Suffice, to say that I was not after a hit-and-run score. No. All the Luo women I fancied were beautiful, intelligent, playful and candidates for marriage. But they extinguished all the patience in me. One day it just hit me, that I will never have my way. But I suspect that my male Luo friends always put in a bad word for me when they met me with one of them. For conversations always switched to mother tongue. I could picture Dispatch Messenger-aka, David Odongo going like…
“Silas is serial philanderer, largely feared to be infected Nyathiwa,” or “He comes from a family with a painful history of madness, Epilepsy and he is bi-polar”.
Otherwise, nothing can explain my poor record, when I have never had any problem with women from other parts of Kenya. Best of luck if currently courting one and you are on your 23rd date at the Hilton. 67 more dates to go.