By Jerome Ogola via FB
I hope you are all aware that there is something president Kenyatta is going to ask his wife HE Mama Ngina
As we await her response, we will be conducting a reed dance in the lake city, to enable us do a short listing of the candidates who will present to him for final selection
We are keen on this to ensure he gets the best. We don’t want a lady who will box him in a few days of the marriage, as such, mannerism tops our priority
We don’t want a militant “mugogo”, or a serial divorcee, who has been unable to put up with anyone
Secondly, you know there is only one part of a lady’s body whose SI unit is the clock. While standing with the president, these part must point at the president and not the ground, meaning it must be saa sita sharp!
We want the president to be a very happy man. Again, we don’t want a professional ohangla dancer who will be leaving the president in the cold to follow some basement dweller who sings Ohangla
She must not be a drunkard. We all know our president values his pombe. We don’t want anyone who will embarrass us by drinking the president’s precious stuff. Medical tests are also mandatory, we don’t want someone who will infect our president with kaswende
Potential candidates can get in touch with Othwes Jamabinju who is in head of the selection panel. There are more tests he may ask to do, just to ensure we don’t import a Lake Kanyaboli to Gatundu
Lastly can someone check if Anwar Sadat has recovered from the “ambululu” that hit him when he saw what happened in Kisumu?
Mordecai Ogada: But Chairman, will the selection process be free and fair? We don’t want a panel who will be sampling candidates the way we sample sacks of maize for “maozo” using that sharpened pipe-like instrument. Good morning to you!
Omari Junior: 9/10 of the contestants are Ohangla mujahideens. Our good Archbishop John Pesa should lead the panel.
Ogut Awinyo Ja-Deep State: 1. She must not come from Kano or Ahero because that species will run away from Gatundu if she gets wind of information that there will be Omega One Disco show within 100Km radius from Kisumu. She will have to attend whether Uhuru assembles a battalion of Recce Squad to ensure she doesn’t escape.
2. She must not hail from Kanyakwar because this species will never do without Guinness Kubwa backed by Ohangla. Remember, even if Uhuru may take a few sips of the black concoction, Nyar Kanyakwar may gulp several crates in big mouthfuls without caring about the president.
3. You can add others as we try getting the president the best companion.
Joseph M Kagiri Ebs: You don’t reveal to your gikuyu wife that you intend to marry another wife unless you want to meet jehova wanyonyi.May his soul rip in advance.
Mutahi Robert: She must not be a GOR FAN who will cause Jomo jnr heart and mental problems by travelling all the way to Kinshasa on Jaro Soja’s bike to go see GOR beat Sofapaka!