By D S
A Kikuyu man eats, drinks, sleeps and dreams ‘mugunda’. Everything revolves around land. A Kikuyu man’s worth is measured by the number of plots he owns. Woe unto you if your land is adjacent to his. He will surreptitiously and cunningly hive off an inch today, a foot tomorrow and before you realize it, half of your land is gone!
He will only befriend you if you are central to his scheme of things, and his scheme of things involves cutting deals, business proposals, money making ventures. No wonder the late Jacob Juma was very close to Jimmi Wanjigi.
And speaking of friendship, a Kikuyu man is very loyal to his friends. He will not betray your friendship with him. He will not sell you out when the deal goes sour. He would rather die. On the same strength he will not hesitate to send goons to chop off your head if you double cross him or if you defraud him of his hard earned cash!
He is a mama’s boy. Ever wondered why he is given such names as Kamau Wa Wanjiku, Samuel Wanjiru. Mama’s boys are very close to their mothers and fiercely loyal to them. He will sit in the fire place with his mother late into the night as his wife tosses from one side of the bed to the other impatient for her man to join her in bed and cuddle her. And talking of romance, he is hopeless and clueless.
He has no sense of fashion. T-shirts and jeans are a must have. He has no time for sissy indulgences such as grooming. He doesn’t care about matching his clothes. He will don a poorly tailored suit and complete it with sports shoes! His model car is a probox. It is convenient because he can pass by Marigiti from work and load it with cabbages, mangoes and oranges for a quick buck in the estate.
A Kikuyu will hawk his merchandise for a year and before you know it he has a plot and rental houses in Ongata Rongai. He has rental property in Hazina, Golden Gate and River Bank but lives in Mariguini with his family. In Mariguini slum his wife runs a well stocked shop but the slum urchins will not dare break into her shop. It operates late into the night and opens at the crack of dawn.
A married Kikuyu man has another secret family tucked away somewhere. The other woman will be in the same age bracket with the official wife. Even the children will be the same age. His wife is too busy making money to see the tell tale signs of infidelity.
The second family only surfaces when the man dies to stake claim to his vast estate.