I recently went on date. The girl ticks all the boxes. Oozes so much chocolate. Best pair of legs I have seen in a decade. And a skin you can eat. Wore a floral dress that was made for her body, better still it was a sunny Saturday afternoon. We sat in the balcony of a popular joint and shot breeze. Catching up and all. Also, whoever who made her braids, that should be the African standard.
Shida tu ilikuwa moja. The girl speaks too much English, is too confident and kept looking directly into my eyes, scaring the wits out of me.
Now, my spoken English is wanting. I speak like a Kisii, I mix tenses, I shrub, and I can’t pronounce words like ecstasy. What is worse, I am painfully shy, therefore I was under immense pressure to perform my speech in a language that oppresses me. As in when I have to speak English, say in class where I teach, or in a corporate meeting where we have to pretend that we are not Kenyan, I leave with a headache. I rarely speak in meetings, not because I don’t have anything to say, but I can’t think fast on my feet.
The girl was good, a bit of a snob, you know the type that won’t eat those badly made smokies that come with a tomato that seems to carry all bacterial infections?
But for the two hours, niliona shida, na hiyo kizungu. And I have said here so many times, can girls stop looking us inside the eye, how are we to lie when someone has stern look?
When time came to pay the bill, she insisted on paying. Mark you, she is younger than me.
One thing I noticed, dating someone who is younger than you, is the different worldviews and expectations. I shocked the girl with my retrogressive ideas about family and such. And her views were too modern for my sensibilities.
Now. There are those dates you go, and you know, for sure, there will be no second one. It is like you both agree that meeting was an unmitigated disaster. That was one of the dates.
My first red flag was the kizungu mingi. Honestly, it is such a turn off for me. Insisting on paying the bill for the date I organised was also a deal breaker. A very intense red flag.
What are your red flags? What is that thing that when you notice on the first date, you know the toxic trait of the prospective lover? And you consciously decide, there will never be a second date!
By Silas Gisiora Nyanchwani via Facebook