Ex-celebrity couple Dennis Okari and Betty Kyalo who marriage collapsed under a year after lavish wedding
Memo No. 17 from National Desk of the Welfare of Men
By Silas Nyanchwani via FB
5 SIGNS THAT SHE IS ABOUT TO LEAVE YOU
I have been studying a funny pattern. Men who seemingly have their sh*t together; brains, good job, commitment to family, faithful and other good traits that render them some of the best husband material available, being kicked out by their wives.
I meet these men and they are puzzled by the sudden change of heart of their wives, and they can’t come to terms that a marriage they once invested in has been summarily folded up like a political coalition party being disbanded after winning or losing an election in Kenya.
I have spent whole afternoons listening to these men, and I have observed an eerily similar pattern in the breakdown of these type of marriages. I am talking about marriages that end, not because of infidelity or violence or something groundbreaking. If you sat the man and the woman down and ask why they are divorcing, there will be nothing substantive.
There are five constants in a marriage that is about to end because the woman wants out but she can’t find a reason.
1. Lose of Affection or Lack of sex
If for no substantial reason, your wife doesn’t want to sleep with you over a prolonged period of time, get ready son. Human adults need sex, even if it is boring sex, as regularly as possible. It is OK, if for a particular month, the mojo is not there, but if she persists, and there is no commitment on her part to play ball, just know she is getting it elsewhere, and she is not interested in having it with you.
As many women as possible have told me as much. And men ,who were denied sex, soon or later, discover who their co-husband was, or has been.
Over time, out of familiarity and boredom, the sex drive can go down, understandably. Bills, diseases, stress, issues, can take a toll on the sex drive.
But affection should not be lost. If she is not duly interested in your needs, doesn’t even care if you cheat, or how you get off, man, she is about to leave.
2. You disgust her for no apparent reason
Your wife becomes rude necessarily. She treats you with unwarranted contempt. It starts slowly to a point it is normalized. As a man, you will start to eat out, drink like crazy, assuming that she is going through a phase, but what you don’t know is that you are standing between her and her lover. Since she can’t find a justified reason to dump you, she can only numb the guilt by treating you contemptuously.
The way the female mind works is that it commits a mistake then finds a way to rationalize it. E.g, she will cheat, and then try to find an excuse why she cheated and say things like, ‘you are not romantic’, or ‘you cheated…’ or the other man ‘made me feel like a woman.’
So, if you are being treated like garbage in the house, where you presence alters her mood for no reason, or any small mistake you commit, she magnifies her reaction to unreasonable proportions, bro, get ready, she is about to leave.
3. Overly secretive
Women like to talk. They like to bitch how bad their day in office was. Her aspirations. Her expectations of the family etc. But there comes a time, she is no longer opening up. She is somewhat cagey about her life. It is hard to know where she is or what she is up to. When you ask, you get the cheater’s standard response: ‘Stop being insecure…”
You no longer know what she earns, what her business dealings are, and she is generally withdrawn. The best pointer at this stage is that she is not keen on what you are into either.
4. A brazen ‘I don’t care attitude’.
She no longer cares what words come out of her mouth. At this stage, she is so deep in the other relationship, she is praying that you leave her. Or you die. She is doing things deliberately to provoke you to leave her so that she can have a safe landing on the other side, telling guys, ‘he left me.”
Women like easy excuses, that let them off the hook for the poor choices they make in life. The crazy attitude is usually the last nail on the coffin of your marriage.
At this stage as a man, it gets tricky. Men who are not aware of what is going on, get violent, thinking that they have been insulted. What they don’t know, is that they have handed the woman a perfect excuse to leave. Because in 2020, you don’t beat a woman. If she left, everyone will remind you she was justified. So, always don’t be violent, because she is manipulating you to hit her to make her exit easy. Keep your calm man, the truth always filters itself to the top. This so far is the smartest move.
For a man in this situation, studious silence is the way to go.
5. She is no longer interested in your affairs
You could have ten mpangos, but she will not be bothered. You may buy a new fleet of airplanes, but she will not care. You may go away from home for more than a month, but she will not care. You may even die for all she cares, but she will not even cry.
This is the stage as a man, you begin to feel unappreciated. You will be doing stuff in your house, hoping for accolades, but you be met by a stony indifference. Because, physically she is there, but her mind and heart are with guy in office called George.
All these signs have to happen, gradually but very fast over a span of a year or at most two. Because a woman always makes up her mind in advance and plans her exit privately, sometimes with the help of her friend or parents. In the meantime, she will be feeding the other parties blatant lies about you, to enable them their cheering her to leave. You know the go-to girl type of cheer?
So, what should you do as a man?
NB: This week, I will serve you two memos. I received a memo from a friend, that by coincidence happened to be what I wanted to talk about this week. It is a wonderful piece of instruction. Permit me to run (verbatim) it kesho, same time, as part B of this memo on what to do when as a man you realise she no longer wants you. Also goes to show you can’t patent an idea in the creative world. I would never have guessed that my friend was working on something similar.
On Friday, I will add my final thoughts on the issue too, I will also highlight some reasons why women leave.
Disclaimer: This article is about women who leave their marriages for other men but can’t find a logical reason to explain their displeasure, hence they have to humiliate their men to a point of frustration. For women who quit marriage for justified reasons, rest easy, we know you exist, we know your pain and we know, men play their role to ruin their marriages. But today, kindly, let us focus on men who are finding themselves in unfamiliar territories because the wife wants out for her own reasons. Also, if you have another hint about a woman who wants to walk out for selfish reasons, add in the comment section.