By Albert Nyakundi Amenya aka The Banana Peddler
They say Christianity is the largest religion in the world. There is no gainsaying. I personally identify myself as one although I stopped being a church goer many years back while in high school. Christians identify themselves with Jesus Christ because they believe he is the son of God. I too do.
But one thing I am sure of, I have a premonition if he comes back today, no Kenyan Christian or pastor will go back to heaven with him. May be, Pastor Harrison Nganga of Jesus Foundation Fellowship, Bunyala Road, will. This is the only man who does not coerce you to sow a seed.
The rest are a bunch of hypocrites and award winning conmen. They are excellent church goers but accomplished nonbelievers. Kenya is one of the countries where the fiercest enemies share a church but don’t talk to each other, they leave church, go, continue fighting and attend church together the next church day.
In Kenya, Christianity forms the biggest gang in the world. The theological credentials of Kenyan pastors are devil-certified. They have refused to obey the teachings of Jesus. Instead, they have resolved to manufacturing fake miracles.
Kenyan pastors share traits with terrorists and armed robbers. No one shares traits with The Son of Man. Just look at the way they proudly behave themselves like peacocks. One might think they are RIGHT the opposite of WRONG but in real sense; they are RIGHT the opposite of LEFT.
Jesus came for the poor but they go for the rich. In our churches, you will be blessed based on the size of your pocket. The poor however righteous are kept at bay while the rich, however wicked, are titled. They are not touched because laws are made for the poor and the impoverished alone.
Recently, I visited a friend of mine called Kamau in Kiambu County. After showering his church with saintly praises, he convinced to accompany him so that I can witness what God is doing for his people. The ‘man of God’ called pastor Kariuki was praying for people. A man who was supposed to have been blind from birth was brought to the pastor to be prayed for. The pastor did whatever he did in his hands and placed it on the eyes of the man then the man said he can now see. So, the pastor brought out a white handkerchief from his pocket and asked the former blind man what the colour of the handkerchief is. Without hesitating, the blind man from birth shouted ‘white’. I asked myself, how can somebody that was totally blind from birth differentiate colours?
Still in Kiambu, another pastor called Njoroge was preaching. A man that had never walked from birth was brought to him. He touched pastor Njoroge’s clothe and immediately started running. I asked myself, how can a man who has never walked since he was birthed, suddenly bypass the stage of limping, crawling, and walking then immediately start running? Do not tell me it is the Holy Spirit.
The greatest fools nevertheless, are the faithful. Since they believe their ‘spiritual fathers’ are always right, they follow them blindly without thinking for themselves. Even when these con-pastors are exposed, they flock the church the following Sunday and blame everything on the devil and his temptations. These are sheep indeed. What a bunch of useful idiots.
These pastors you see around performing fake miracles here in Kenya will face the wrath of the Son of Man. Jesus himself will personally chase them to last gate of hell. In Kenya, there is no life in Christianity.
Kenyan pastors are the greatest businessmen in this country. They sell blessings to the highest bidder. They lead in laying other men’s wives. They chew their own sheep. God have mercy.
Kenyan pastors promote laziness among the faithful. They sponsor poverty among the poor children of God. Instead of asking worshippers to work extra harder and earn a honest living, they just pray for them and ask them to go back home, sleep, believe and wait for God to perform miracles. They have replaced laziness with prayers. They simply replace laziness with prayers. As a result, young men spend their lifetime sweeping the church and serving as ushers until old age.
Instead of telling young men and ladies to each other and marry, they ask them to abstain and wait for God’s time. Seriously! When will this God’s time come?
In Kenya, churches no longer preach about the gospel of Christ. Everything is about money. Pastors only teach how blessed is the hand that giveth, than the one that taketh. Whatever pastors and priests preach does not reflect the wishes of God and his son Jesus Christ.
Stealing is their stock in trade. They steal in the name of the lord.
Catholic priests are the greatest pretenders. They lay girls in churches, impregnate them then rent or by houses and raise families with them. When I finished my Kenya National Certificate of Secondary Education (KCSE) waiting to join college, I did menial jobs in Eldoret.
One morning, a plumber tagged me along as his factotum when he went to fix a broken sewer line in a priest’s house at a nearby catholic church. To our shock, all evidence pointed to the fact that the blockage was caused by a heap of condoms, some of which were fully loaded with missiles. Whoever used them in the priest’s house!
One day around noon, I was sauntering around Dandora phase three. I bumped into these Akorino pastors that preach by the roadside in Kikuyu language. I paused for approximately ten minutes to buy something near where they were preaching from. All this time, the pastor was preaching in Kikuyu. He suddenly switched to Swahili when time to give offerings came.
“Sasa nawaomba nyinyi wote mnaonisikia, Mungu anawapenda. Tafadhali karibia hapa na sadaka yako umtolee Mungu. Ukitoa utabarikiwa”
Immediately, a pulchritudinous Akorino lady approached me holding a basin and requested for my own offering. Then I asked myself, all this while this pastor has been preaching in Gikuyu. I did not hear whatever he was preaching, meaning I was not directly blessed by his teachings.
Assuming his target market are Kikuyus, why then is he demanding offering from non-Kikuyus? Why switch from Kikuyu to Kiswahili at the time of offering? I just nodded in disapproval, signposting the girl to get the hell out of my face.
When Jesus comes back, there will be no peace for the wicked. Every crime must be punished both in this world and in the other world. But the fools never learn until it’s too late to seek mercy.
(The writer sells Bananas in the streets of Kisii County)