Photo: Top sexually confused Kenyan journalist larry Madowo of CNN and Edith Kimani of Germany’s national broadcaster Deutsche welle
Silas Nyanchwani: Last Memo of The Year via Facebook
Memo No. ‘83’ (had wrongfully skipped no. 83) From The National Welfare Desk of Men
32 THINGS WE HAVE LEARNT THIS YEAR: A RECAP
Here is a summary of the last 32 memos, seeing as the earlier memos (Memo 1-54) have already appeared in the book. Picking from Memo no. 55, here is a quick Christmas summary.
1. Some married women who are dating other men can be super kind and generous to their boyfriends but super cruel and mean to their husbands. Ditto married men.
2. You are never full a man until you stop justifying your every poor choice on alcohol.
3. If you are a top performer in the league of sprinter Omanyala, constantly improve yourself, keep your eye on the ball, stick to one woman, and avoid distractions and cheerleaders who don’t have your best interest at heart. Rats often abandon a sinking ship. Only have meaningful friendships and relationships. It applies to anyone who wants to perform at the top.
4. To me, the red pill is a stage of enlightenment upon which you decide what road to take. It is the Saul to Paul moment. It is when your eyes are opened to stuff like hypergamy in the modern capitalist sense, female solipsism, Briffault’s Law, the history of intergender relationships, the ‘disposability’ of the male gender in the social dynamics of relationships. Once the red pill opens your eyes, the choice is yours on how to live your life as a man.
5. Never call a man a deadbeat until you know his side of the story.
6. Never take an ex back.
7. You can only know or love a woman at a time. Never both. It is better to know a woman than to love her. Men who love women suffer the most.
8. For men, whose only leverage in a relationship is money, always remember that money’s power has a ceiling. You need more than money in order to deal with the shifting goalposts of women in a relationship.
9. A relationship between an older male and a woman far younger sometimes fails terribly.
10. As a man, stay away from distractions. And remember, what motivates sometimes can be what destroys you.
11. Never mistake drunken cheers of drinking buddies as validation. Or rely on fake people, fake things, fake friends for validation. Validation comes from within and is for yourself. Seek validation and affirmation from people and stuff that matter.
12. Sometimes as you age, making money can be difficult. Don’t waste the money you make in your youth. Use it to build a foundation for your later life. I am speaking to men in their 20s and early 30s, who are swimming in cash and think the taps will never dry. Often, they do. Build that house at home. Have another one in the city. Own a plot. Tone down on those bottles of whiskies and that slay queen uploading photos enjoying a seascape, courtesy of your bill, won’t stick around the moment you can’t sustain that lifestyle.
13. I reminded men to have an equine vision. Horses have the largest mammalian eyes for (land mammals). They can rotate 360 and are active both day and night. Be like a horse. Let your eyes roam around, smelling danger, smelling opportunities and like a horse, move strongly and fast, where necessary.
14. To have money and no game is so lame. Learn some game, cultivate some class.
15. Your wife does not exist to clap for your efforts. If she does, be grateful. But most women are not wired to see sacrifices of men as worthy. But often all the slaving you do means nothing to her. Even so, do it. For her. For your family. But know, down the road, she can change her mind. And should you lose her, just know, it is never personal. In the words of Sal Tessio from The Godfather, ‘It is only Business’.
16. If in a long-distance relationship, and not married, the one in Kenya plays a lot.
17. If as a man you are divorcing or being divorced, just know the first two years slap the hardest. But if intentional about your healing and recovery, things get better. You will be happy again. You will love again. Second time is the charm. Trust me on this.
18. If stuck in a sexless marriage for no apparent reason, just know she is on her way out. Even so, remember, intimacy is never negotiated. If it gets to that point, have options bro. Best, quit.
19. Marriages can work if couples learn the principle of redeeming quality. We are all average at best and we are not what we think we are. But in us, lies qualities that can rescue our sinking relationships.
20. To fathers of daughters, remember you have the toughest job on earth.
21. Better, still, children need both parents. In the age of divorces, single parents, we must reinvent ways to make parenting work.
22. Keep a safe distance from your in-laws. They are not your friends.
23. Treat your male friends and friendships with some respect. It goes a long way. Many men never forget even the tiniest of slights.
24. In the course of life, you will meet yourself several times over; when you divorce, when you lose a parent when you lose your job when you lose a child. Whatever you do in that meeting, in the words, of Jay-Z, run towards that pain. Face it. Beat it.
25. It is OK to cancel the wedding if you sense that you are trapping yourself. Also, don’t ever extend a one-nightstand into a marriage.
26. On divorce, remember you are never too old, too good, too rich, never to be divorced. Live with the possibility. Women only stay when they want.
27. Sometimes as an adult, you need to parent yourself, if you are tripping too much. Pause long enough to think about the consequences of your actions.
28. If you have a good woman, it is worth keeping her, treating her right, and don’t fuck that one up. Finding a replacement won’t be easy, kid.
29. If newly married, set the standards and draw boundaries early enough. Never try to change rules mid-way. It never works that way.
30. Unless, she is your mother, sister, a genuine female friend, your wife or girlfriend rarely cares about your feelings. Sort them on your own, or seek help from relevant sources. But if she is empathetic, it is worth opening up. But be careful, sometimes you open up and you open the door for them to leave.
31. If you are a man, you must read good books, on history, philosophy, ideas, science, politics, anything you can lay your hands on. Watch good movies and documentaries. There is no substitute for knowledge and wisdom. Foolishness in men is punished, vibaya sana. Sometimes with death.
32. You can never win against the streets. From the she cometh, to the streets she returneth. The Kikuyu wise men of old said, there are two types of goats: one that you slaughter and eat immediately. And one that you take home to domesticate.
From the National Welfare Desk of Men, I wish you guys a merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Remember your mum gave birth to a king. Rule your world, man.
I am taking a break from Memos, and we will resume on January 4, with some good surprises.
For those who may need any of my books, kindly inbox me and we can arrange how it can be delivered.