Memo No. 14 From The National Desk of the Welfare of Men.
By Silas Nyanchwani
You Can’t Change a Woman’s Mind
A friend asked me why I sound bitter in my memos and why as a Christian, can’t I preach a more reconciliatory approach to settling marital issues.
It got me thinking. It is easy to think that I am some incurably bitter chap. Maybe I am. But if I am bitter, it is not because of women. It is because of men who refuse to learn about what we are dealing with. Many people perish because of lack of knowledge.
The reason I tell men to walk away when the marriage starts to break down is very simple: Once a woman has made up her mind to quit, nothing can keep her in that marriage. The man can reform, quit alcohol, stop cheating, get ambitious and go on to build an empire, but once a woman develops a sense of disgust towards her man, there is nothing you will ever do to bring her back.
I have explained before. Women are far more intelligent than men. Far better strategists than men. Extremely clever. The sooner men come terms with this, the better for their mental health.
It is a woman who decides if a marriage will stand or collapse. And in nearly all societies, the woman as a wife is like the Minister of Defense. Every day, women call the husband’s clandes to insult or threaten her with very specific consequences. Every day, women visit waganga sugu to get charms to rein on their man. Every day, women go to church to pray for their erring husbands. Every day, women make incredible sacrifices for a marriage to stand. I don’t mean that women only stand to protect a marriage from bad things and that is how it should be. What I mean, all societies, including America (Hillary Clinton, Monica Lewinsky and Bill), a woman who wants her marriage to work, will do everything to make it work.
In the same token, when a woman doesn’t want a marriage, she will do everything to rock it. Always remember this son. A woman will never leave a marriage that she stands to benefit from.
What most men of my generation are dealing with is a complex set up that few will ever figure out, unless they listen to wisdom.
For starters, when a woman starts accusing you of all manner of things, and kukuletea kesi kila siku, she has started leaving. This is proven by science, and no fewer than ten women who have confessed this to me. And yes part of the plan is another man out there.
Always know this, at any given time, your wife or girlfriend, is talking to other men. Some of these men, she flirts with daily. Because many women love attention and there is no shortage of stupid men who shower married women with attention. She doesn’t go for that attention because there is no attention at home. She goes for it, because women crave attention.
There are two types of destructive men out here. Type one are the ones with no moral scruples who don’t mind what they sleep with, where or how. And then, there are the low-esteem type who brag about their wealth. And if you managed to marry a low-quality woman, she can fall for either. Or both.
When a woman falls in love with another man, while married or dating you, she activates an exit plan. And here man, she will play you dirty, and you will blame yourself why she left. But man to man, don’t. Thankfully, I meet men who have figured out this shit.
So, when a woman suddenly begins to have issues with your hygiene, with your work, money, mother-in-law and everything, open your eyes. When the complaints start flying left, right and centre and every time as a man, you have to question your sanity, bro, you being played a good one.
As Sydney Keari Obachi said a while back, a cheating woman, knows how to schedule an argument on Wednesday night, so as you will be bored and give each other silent treatment, so as she can go on a work tour to Nanyuki, where she will be flipped like a pancake being made by a playful cook (pun-intended).
So, bro, take it from me. There is nothing wrong with you. Don’t sit to questioning yourself. You are sane. Kabisa. Your woman just found out better. You lose some in life. Always be ready. If you want to leave your present spouse, or partner, you will never lack an excuse. And women when they want out, they will amplify every problem, to a crisis level.
But they do these things because most women need a higher psychological justification to cheat, unlike a man who just needs to see a good ass. A woman has to tell herself how useless you are, for her to justify her fornication.
I have no problem with the choices the women make. A woman can drink, smoke and party like it is the summer of 1969. I no longer have an issue with women kabisa. My concern is for the men whose mental health is at stake, because their wives are playing sick games.
Now, listen, boy. I have studied women who cause men problems, and trust me, they are not worth the trouble. Kids or no kids, they are not. The men choose to be disturbed because of the scarcity mentality. They think that she is the best thing that happened to him since his first wet dream. Drop this mentality.
Develop a mentality of abundance. And if a woman starts to show you things, don’t ever act desperate. Desperation smells like shit after a particularly proteinous diet. And women hate the smell of desperation. It disgusts them. That is why as a man you should never, ever act desperate with a woman. Even if your life depended on it, DON’T EVER ACT DESPERATE.
If a woman starts games, let her go. Always, let the woman know that you don’t care if she stays or goes. But if she is staying, she better live by your rules. Don’t ever be afraid of losing a woman. Whether she is hotter than Kelly Rowland, or she serves the best in town. Or she is wittier than Dorothy Parker. Whatever. Always, remind yourself as an adult, anything can happen.
So, what happens if you lose her and you thought she was everything to you and your future? You will be OK kid. Just enjoy your beer a bit, hit the gym, focus on your goals.
I will not lie to you that healing will be easy. Some day you will wake feeling like a sewer. Some days you will not even feel like leaving that bed. You will lose your appetite. You will not sleep. You will talk to yourself. You will lose weight. You will gain weight. But, take it on the chin. Go with the process. You can’t speed up or slow the healing. Because as a man, you lose both emotionally and financially. Sort the emotional mess, finances, you will make all the money in the world.
Always remind yourself, you picked her in the streets, and that is where she belongs. There still many good women out here and with a good attitude, you will meet a woman who will make you wonder why you wasted so much time with someone who didn’t even deserve you.
Take it from me, I used to have a scarcity mentality, but since I adopted an abundant mentality, my world has never been the same again.
So, champ, your mother and father raised a champion, don’t ever let someone you are not related fuck your mind up. Walk out and save time. You are going to waste one or two years to patch things up when she is actually hatching an exit plan that you can’t influence. Heal faster and focus on your goals.
Lastly, for men, avoid centering your lives around women. Women hate clingy men. A man is defined by what he has. Go out and amass wealth. Don’t spend too much time with women, that is how y’all becoming vulnerable, and start to kuropokwa ropokwa. After sex, slept bro. Don’t do that pillow talk stuff. That is the Samson moment where she shaves you.
A bad woman like Delilah, is constantly plotting your downfall, and she will dance on your grave once she succeeds to put you under. But only you can allow her to bury you. Get busy. Wacha kukaa na kucheka cheka ovyo ovyo. That is how you trip son.
But always remember, if you doing right and she is not satisfied, know she has someone she compares you to, and you are stopping her from living with a man of her dreams. The complaints, insults and all is because she frustrated. Lose her man. Ata Kama umemlipa mahari, school fees and invested 20 years hapo. Lose her. Guard your sanity.
Great week ahead. Let us meet in town jioni and help me hawk my book.