By LaQuinta Achieng
Watching Collymore’s wedding pics, am concerned that Kikuyu women are taking men who are deservedly Luo women. Why? It scares me what awaits Luos given that Kikuyus seem to be winning in everything. They seem to close “deals that matter”, whether political, marriage or even business.
Kikuyus “steal” our presidency every five years(LoL), but there’s also the hemorrhage of our successful men. They are not just grabbing any Odhiambo, Opiyo and Odongo, they are thieving our successful and well to do, well educated Luo men who know how to Ndhumo Kisungu(speak good Queen’s English) with a networth of not less than 5 million shillings.
We are yet to see a high profile non Kikuyu coming for our women since Kidero, a Luo man. Infact they tried to offer Kidero a Kikuyu girl, but his desire to position himself for becoming a Luo Kingpin led him to Dr. Susan Mboya, who were it not for her impeccable credentials and symbolic last name, birds tell me Kidero was poised to be bequeathed a light skinned and beautiful Kikuyu “rendi”, or lady if you like.
And then there was the only man from Ndhiwa who can afford a chopper since Ojode. He abandoned beautiful but dark women, who only need an opportunity and flew all the way to Meru to get a light skinned girl, who by the way lived her life in plenty. And not just that, he made history by paying the largest dowry known in Kenya’s history. He killed the spirit of Luo women. There’s net outflow of dowry from Luo Nyanza! We are being ripped off! Our men give away only 2 emaciated cows as dowry! We don’t win anymore.
What is wrong with us Luo women? Is it that we are in need seduction classes, or we need to work on our character, attitude and behaviors, to be lady like so we can attract high profile suitors. There’s net loss of Luo wealth with well to do and successful Luo men paying large sums of dowry to marry Kikuyu women. Those holes must be darn sweeter than ours, don’t you think so? They drive for 2 days to get a woman, something must be really wrong with us! But what do we expect if all we want to be taken is Egesa and insist on Ohangla nite! And dang, he gets the thang beneath their thong! We have to insist on men proving their net-worth first, and so tell them to meet you at Kempinski, that way you weed out the average folk.
Kikuyu women are adept at either chummed dudes or identifying potential, if they like u and your hustling, just know you are destined for big things. Luo women have to stop being concerned about here and now! A man can just rent or borrow a car to impress a woman. From a tender age Kikuyu women are trained how to identify those who have it, and those that are “pretenders to the throne”. Circumcised or uncircumcised, by the time she can lick the man’s dick like lollipop, and even swallow the spoof! – You have passed her money-meter, and/or potential thereof!
And now the big catch is obviously Bob Collymore who has just been hapa Nairobi tu, yet no Luo woman found it worthwhile to seduce!! I know its Luo to be proud and not seduce a man. But men want their ego massaged, and it doesn’t matter if you are a divorcee mother of 2 kids, and of below average beauty like Wambui Kamiru, men will forego all those, to go for that woman willing to get on her knees and express her loyalty to the man of her dreams.
You don’t even have to propose to the man, just be clear about your intentions, and have the mastery of the intersection of dignity, pride and submission. African men want submission. But they also want a dignified woman. The challenge is how to balance the 2. Actually all Luo women have on the table is pride!
Collymore’s flame is actually dark just like Luo women, is of below average beauty compared to most Luo women that Collymore would brush shoulders with. But she had the drive, attitude and focus, and didn’t let anything stand in her way, to get this man to, first divorce his wife of 20 plus years, then remove Kinyua’s river-road ring, and replace with that diamond ring I saw on her finger. And then head to Kiambu or wherever it is in Gemaland to hand briefcases of millions of dollars as dowry. Plus Wambui now gets to refer hundreds of Kikuyu unemployed kids to Safaricom.
All these as Luo women only swung their sianda(ass) as they passed by Collymore, instead of actually seducing this man. You have to do more than just shake your sianda! Infact Wambui Kamiru Collymore has just a micro-sianda, all she brings to the table is a cute figure(size 16 I guess), business acumen, her brains, artistic prowess and probably intellect! That’s it! She probably doesn’t have those big Luo words like Luo women would drop.
Collymore is the true exemplification of the mantra that “mke sio sura”. Mke ni tabia. Which should encourage Luo women, coz for real, we are of average looks, but I will admit that we are blessed with sianda, ask Linda Ogutu! But how can we harness this sianda, and unmatched intellect and great command of Queen’s mother tongue, to pair up with successful big boys in town. No tribe here. Just class.
What makes me even sad is that Obama spent time at Kogelo for weeks, months, I don’t know, and came several times, but all Kogello girls did was to pass by the “osungu” and ndiso sianda, hoping that he would get their attention. Kogello girls of that time missed an opportunity of occupying White House, jowa! And he didn’t have Michelle then, I am sure, but he obviously had mahitaji ya kiume, hata tu angalao, angepea kasichana kamoja ka Kogello mimba, angalao katoto ka Kogello kangekuwa kakiishi White House. Yawa. But mulilalia matako zenu tu. But it’s not too late. However, we have to up our game. We may not have control over winning the presidency, but this is something we have control over!
This is a time for Luo women to deeply introspect and retrospect. We want to hear Luo girls getting their rightful share of important men, regardless of where they are on the face of this earth. We are settling for average, like teachers and below average like drivers, watchmen and so on, who only give 2 emaciated cows as dowry, we are recycling poverty! Kikuyu women are taking our Lawyers(Orengo Ajimmy hoyeee!), doctors are going, architects gone. Engineers, gone.
We have to start winning again. And am open to conducting a conference to educate Luo women on how to win successful men, so we can once and for all stymie this hemorrhage of men who should deservedly belong to Luo girls. Collymore was one such man who would have fitted and mixed so well among Luo in-laws, infact he wouldn’t have been told apart as Luos have great English too. Wambui might be good, but he will be so bored among his in-laws, who wouldn’t have the swag to conduct Luo parties! Go out there and seduce rich and /or men with potential! I did it, you can do it too….
LaQuinta Achieng is a rich Social Commentator who wants the best for Luo girls. Also a sexologist( A branch of psychology that specializes on the art of male(and women) sexual satisfaction)