Following the results of the US elections, President D.Trump yesterday received first highly classified intelligence briefings and WIKILEAKS reports of a shocked Trump.
Trump was shocked that USA Presidency is highly controlled and just celemonial, in reality the president is a spokesman of the system that controls USA and the world.
First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI:
Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.
CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.
Trump: The Democrats created them.
CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you would lose funding from the natural gas lobby.
Trump: Stop funding Pakistan. Let India deal with them.
CIA: We can’t do that.
Trump: Why is that?
CIA: India will cut Balochistan out of Pak.
Trump: I don’t care.
CIA: India will have peace in Kashmir. They will stop buying our weapons. They will become a superpower. We have to fund Pakistan to keep India busy in Kashmir.
Trump: But you have to destroy the Taliban.
CIA: Sir, we can’t do that. We created the Taliban to keep Russia in check during the 80s. Now they are keeping Pakistan busy and away from their nukes.
Trump: We have to destroy terror sponsoring regimes in the Middle East. Let us start with the Saudis.
Pentagon: Sir, we can’t do that. We created those regimes because we wanted their oil. We can’t have democracy there, otherwise their people will get that oil – and we cannot let their people own it.
Trump: Then, let us invade Iran.
Pentagon: We cannot do that either, sir.
Trump: Why not?
CIA: We are talking to them, sir.
Trump: What? Why?
CIA: We want our Stealth Drones back. If we attack them, Russia will obliterate us as they did to our buddy ISIS in Syria. Besides we need Iran to keep Israel in check.
Trump: Then let us invade Iraq again.
CIA: Sir, our friends (ISIS) are already occupying 1/3rd of Iraq.
Trump: Why not the whole of Iraq?
CIA: We need the Shi’ite govt of Iraq to keep ISIS in check.
Trump: I am banning Muslims from entering US.
FBI: We can’t do that.
Trump: Why not?
FBI: Then our own population will become fearless.
Trump: I am deporting all illegal immigrants to south of the border.
Border patrol: You can’t do that, sir.
Trump: Why not?
Border patrol: If they’re gone, who will build the wall?
Trump: I am banning H1B visas.
USCIS: You cannot do that.
Trump: Why?
Chief of Staff: If you do so, we’ll have to outsource White House operations to Bangalore. Which is in India.
Trump (sweating profusely by now): What the hell should I do as President???
CIA: Enjoy the White House, sir! We will take care of the rest!
Anonymous says
copy and paste
okuyu says
empty-minded, half-baked journalists. The US president does not even discuss such matters with the CIA. Poor attempt at what is just a stale joke.
Anonymous says
We are not fools …….do always spark what is not the fact to the worldwide…buy a good cable to plugs out Donald’s power to all universe…
Marwa says
So what do they discuss if you may enlighten us?
REAL MGIRIAMA HALISI says
This is the reason I always say that RAILA can not be a president of the kenyan government. A government is a complex thing which a closed mind person like raila and his supporters will never understand. Presidency is just an office in the government and Raila thinks being a president you are everything which is very very wrong and a thought of a fool like him. He threatens everybody in the complex system another reason that he can never head that system. All cord supporters should now know that a president is just an employee of the government in a complex system that one can not change it easily as they portray it.
Kenan says
Now where did Raila come from.Nkt.
Mike kimani says
Men F********you because you are an idiot who is brainwashed and shallow minded “everything raila raila raila raila” why don’t just give out ideas instead of telling us a lot of your sh**************t
Jakano says
Uhuru: why can’t we jail Waiguru,ngilu, kabura
NSIS:they are the caretakers of the mafia that made you president.
Nyundo says
You are great!
bee says
Seriously!
Anonymous says
I don’t like this, it makes no sense
Laikipia says
Luo Minded journalism. sasa wewe the farthest you have gone ni kisumu na nairobi. unatwambia nini
jack says
Fools, stop fooling Kenyans,instead mukule nyama ya kuiba.
REAL DONALD TRUMP. says
This joke is just a wishful thought of the writer.
Anonymous says
uwongo nayo!
AAG says
raila is 5th prezo of kenya
Anon says
Raila is the 2nd Governor of Kisumu.
stephen juma says
balderdash!
Anonymous says
This conversation happened in a book titled AmeZidi
Anonymous says
If you say that Rao dont understand presidency,why is it that uhuru is very confused until he says his hands are tide when it comes to war on corruption,is he the same uhuru that took an oath of office to fight corruption.Now it is true that Waiguru second wife and that is why wakinyasa cant act
njeri dickstrong says
Trump: let’s destroy jubilee.
CIA: we can’t do that. we need them. they are our major customers for teargas and arms to fight their citizens. if BABA becomes President there will be peace in kenia.
tababa says
Kwani Raila aliwafanya nini lazima mtaje everywhere,kweli Raila is an institution
Jakano says
Kwani Raila in wenu?? Kubaff!!
Ja-Watema. says
Ata ka wa2 wako nje kwan hawa wajinga mnataka Raila awe mpaka Rais wa USA ?
Dennys Msemakweli says
Raila is the greatest corrupt fighter leader in kenya,given chance like Trump,he will make Kenya Great Again!
stone living stone says
We need leadership that will deliver Kenyans from yokes of poverty not mere tribalism here I see people discussing nonsense suggesting that we are still far from the reality let’s not even benchmark with US with our uncouth thinking we are ever in politics even after a general election! Our leaders now take advantage on our dissuaded minds even at the County level where we have our own managing our resources busy looting us while we argue about Uhuruto and Rao bure kabisa umaskini utatumaliza tuwajibikeni