We retell these life tips!
It is almost time to sleep and as I had told you earlier, a man should sleep next to the wall, as the woman sleeps closer to the door, just in case thugs break in, they deal with her as the man gets time to strategize how to counter the thugs
You know the man is always the commander of security at home, even if he is a pastor, and the wife is a military Maj Gen
The other lesson I taught you is that when things didn’t go so well at Jua Kali, and you as the father of the home goes home empty handed, just fake some anger
Pretend to be very annoyed, and even click when the door is opened, that way no one will ask you any question, and it is better than narrating how you never succeeded at “mjengo”
The following day, wake up early at 4 am, and even if you have nowhere to go, just go sit by the roadside. It is better they believe that you are working hard to save the situation, when in real sense there isn’t an opportunity to work hard
A man should also learn to wear a coat because he can always hide the “mawe mbili” family transistor radio in the pockets and pretend he is taking it for repairs, but if things don’t work out, the radio can be sold to feed the family for a day, and another radio can be bought when there will be money in surplus
The coat will also come handy because after selling the radio at ksh 150, and this money is supposed to buy everything, the hoof eater will have to buy them in ridiculously tiny quantities, ie a quarter of a quarter of a kilo of sugar, that which was invented during the tenure of Uhuru Kenyatta, the sugar that is barely one teaspoon, which is only bought to be used “to lie” to the tea, that it has been flavoured. The other items are cooking oil worth five bob, paraffin worth 5 bob, tea leaves worth 1bob, and as usual the items are in quantities too tiny that a shopkeeper doesn’t need any weighing scale, but an electron microscope and a micrometer screw gauge to work them out.
Some aren’t visible by naked eyes
All these items are safely hidden in the coat pockets and by the time the man gets home, his hands are empty but his coat is swollen that make him look like Oloitiptip and Akuba combined
I also advised my fellow hoof eaters that in case darkness falls before you pass by that dark corner, the very place the ngeta man erects his toll station, to mug pedestrians, don’t get worried, just buy a roll of cannabis, and as you approach the place, light it
No thug will dare touch you because people who smoke cannabis are always known to be too daring and too broke, and no thief wants an encounter with such a fellow
Alternatively, make sure you have at least one reggae song in your phone, and as you approach the place, you play it “police in helicopter, searching marijuana” and no one will touch you
Thugs know too well how reggae fans are too broke and they may also mistake you to be one of them
Those are enough for today. Sleep sound my fellow hoof eaters!!