LBy The Albert Nyakundi Amenya aka The Bana Peddler
Shakespeare said in Julius Caesar: “The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves”
When I tell my fellow compatriots not to trust Kikuyus in anything political, they never trust me. Kikuyus are hypocrites and cannot be trusted. They will only bring you closer when they want something from you. If you see a Kikuyu bringing you close, it is because there is something they are gaining from you. Even their women, if you are a non-Kikuyu man for instance, and have a beautiful Kikuyu wife or girlfriend, what binds you is your money. Not love. – Please.
Show me one black-broke-Luo man successfully that married a beautiful brown-skin Kikuyu girl and lived happily after. If you are a Westerner and happen to be espoused to a Yellow-Yellow Kikuyu woman, know from today that she doesen’t love you. She loves your money and that is the truth. I am not asking you to divorce her, I am only reminding you of the time bomb that might explode the moment you are officially declared bankrupt, hence, resourceless. If you want to confirm my statement, go back in the evening and tell her you’ve lost your job. She will never be the same again.
I nonetheless take courage to admit that we men from Western Kenya are idiots. We know the consequences of marrying these people but we still do it anyway. To confirm our stupidity, a Luo man marries a Kikuyu woman but the only Language known and spoken by ‘his’ children are Gikuyu. The only thing they know about Luo is that their father is one. If you ask them their tribe, they will proudly tell you they are Kikuyus. Isn’t that stupidity?
A Kisii man marries a Kikuyu woman but all the second names of his children are Matheri, Wanugu, Nyambura, and Nyagothie, amarieta ye’ Chisimbiri nyamoibi. There is nothing like Nyakundi, Kwamboka, Osoro, Nyangeti, Onkubokia or Nyabicha, very beautiful names. Isn’t that the highest degree of foolishness? A
Luhya man marries a Kikuyu woman and they live in Nairobi but the only Ushago his children know is that of their mother’s side, Nyeri and not Khwisero. The only grandmother and grandfather they know are their mother’s parents. Worse still, they refer to their grandparents as Guka and Shosho – whatever the spellings – but not in Bukusu or Maragoli.
You see, if you are a Luo man married to a Luo woman, or are a Kisii man married to a Kisii woman, or are a Luhya man married to a Luhya woman, no man, money or lack of it, will put you asunder. With, or without food in the house, the situation remains normal. The love remains uninterrupted. She will make love to you as usual without making any changes. But my friend, if you are married to a Kikuyu woman and she sleeps hungry once, that night be sure that the atmosphere will change. There will be no peace in that house. She will either take it to sleep on the couch, or sloop with you on the same bed with her face glued to the wall.
Any attempt to touch her will be met with maximum force of rejection. She will avoid you as if you were suffering from leprosy. The next morning, she will pack everything, take all your children and go rent her house. Funny enough, the most intriguing nuance about Kikuyu women is how they bewitch your children that even if they are over eighteen, they will pick her side when you disagree. If you fight with their mother, they will join forces and beat you like mburukenge. If you divorce, they will go with their mother.
KIKUYUS Are Hypocrites In Politics Too..
The same applies when it comes to politics. Kikuyus are hypocrites. They are political vultures and opportunistic. They are masters at deception. Before the re-election of Uhuru Kenyatta as President, members of the Kikuyu community confessed that through Jubilee, Uhuru and Ruto would rule for 20 years, 10 for Uhuru and the remaining 10 for Ruto. Because Kikuyus wanted the electoral support of Kalenjins, they baptized their son William Ruto in waters of accolades. It was evident that minus the Kalenjin vote, Uhuru would not have been re-elected as President.
Kalenjins delivered and now they want to kick them out. One might castigate me for unmasking political opportunistic tendencies of the Kikuyus but I believe it is imperative to stand on the right side of history and believe in the courage of your conviction. The problem with Kenyans is that when you behave normal in an abnormal society, they say you are abnormal. But when you exhibit abnormal behaviors in a normal society, they canonize and glorify you. Kenya is a nation full of contradictions.
After using William Ruto and Kalenjins, now they are dumping them. In order for them to successfully do it, they realize they need the backing of Raila and Luos. As a result, they have purportedly accommodated Raila and Luos in their government. But Raila and Luos seem to have shorter memories. They have fallen to their hypocrisy and sunk with their heads. But one must ask, are these Kikuyus not the same people that used to admonish Raila and Luos, calling them all sorts of names when they were fighting over power?
The other day Moses Kuria was given a heroic welcome in Kisumu by Luos. But isn’t this the same Moses Kuria that gave machetes to his brothers – members of the Mungiki – and ordered them to circumcise and kill all Luos starting with Raila? What changed? Yesterday Moses Kuria was the greatest enemy of the Luos but today he is their dearest friend. What changed? The fact remains that Kikuyus have never, and will never love Luos, unless for temporary political convenience. Kikuyus have never, and will never love Kalenjins unless for temporary political convenience. In fact, Kikuyus have never, and will never love non-Kikuyus (including their slaves Merus) unless for temporary political convenience.
As a humble Banana Peddler from banana land, I wish to caution members of the Luo community not to make fun of the Kalenjin rejection by Kikuyus. Sio ati nyinyi ni wazuri saaana. Sio ati wakikuyu wanapenda saana vile mnajidanganya. Unless you are fools but the clever ones know I am right because they are aware of whom they are dealing with. The same fake love they are showing you, they showed it to Kalenjins when they we dealing with you, before turning against you.
Now they are showing the same love while dealing with Kalenjins but its just a matter of time. When their mission is done, when they get rid of Kalenjins and take full charge of government as we head to the next elections, they will kick you out again and invite Kalenjins afresh to deal with you. But until then, time will tell. Otherwise, you’ll come looking for me here in Kisii town where I merchandize my bananas and tell me I was right.
(The writer sells bananas in the streets of Kisii town)