By Albert Nyakundi Amenya (The Banana Peddler)
My dear William Ruto, it is 51 years since you were birthed. When you take over the presidency, you will be around 55. I nonetheless choose to celebrate your birthday three days late. Pardon my unpunctuality.
You see Sir, I have always extolled your integrity. I still believe you are the closest man to ideal leadership for Kenya. But remember evil knows no religion, class or tribe. Those who perpetuate it in order to acquire power or money are found in all strata of society religion and ethnic groups.
The leadership of our country has been dominated by cultists for far too long. In fact if not for the few truly pious persons like your wife her Excellency madam Rachael Ruto, may be the devil would have long established his headquarters here.
Perhaps that is why Kenya has become hell on earth despite all the natural resources it is blessed with. There is no evil that has not been associated with Kenyans. Sir, please save us before our lust for money begins to bare dangerous fangs.
One thing I admire the most in your person, is your unstinting patience. You are not only patient, but careful. As the wise put it “Everything comes to him who waits” Although the same wise laments that “A watched pot never boils” your wisdom settles you on the former. After all, “Fortune favors the bold”
Having run as Raila’s Vice President in 2007 and Uhuru’s Deputy President in 2013 and 2017 respectively, you ought to have understood better how Kenyan elections are conducted and won. Just as I do, you must have discovered that it is almost impossible for a person of impeccable character and integrity to scale the hurdles placed on his way.
Sir, 2022 offers the brightest chance for you to clinch the Presidency. To get there, nevertheless, you must assure all former and current thieves in government that you will not probe and jail them. And I want you to forgive them from the bottom of your heart. In your twilight days on earth, you must learn to forgive all.
Immediately you get to office, appeal to those that looted to invest their loot in Kenya so as to create employment. Tell them you know all of them because they mightn’t believe you. Bad people can still be defeated in our country. But because criminals have taken their roots deep down the ground, only a brutal war can dislodge them.
Call upon everyone to show how he acquired his wealth. I recommend a “one-day-war” Because good people outnumber bad people, I am confident the “war” mustn’t last beyond a day.
After that, law and order would be restored. Good governance will easily take roots in the country and happiness will return to the faces of Kenyans. Evil thrives when good men elect to do nothing.
For those traffic policemen and NTSA robbing motorists on the highways, enjoy while it lasts but remember “Money is a good servant but an extremely worse master” You can enjoy the loot for now but you will pay later with your own blood.
Your Excellency Sir, on corrupt traffic police and NTSA officers who elect to mount road blocks, harass motorists and extract bribes, I have a proposal. Transfer them and redeploy them. In their place, train the deaf and dumb to take over. Unlike the current officers, the deaf and mute officers will have no time to bargain with motorists and ask for bribes. After all, 99% of Kenyans are irredeemably poor in sign language. May be the only thing they can be good at is soliciting for sex from dumb prostitutes at night.
Our top-police officers spend nights in air conditioned hotels with women various. They hardly respond to distress calls and get to crime scenes when criminals have escaped. Sir William, because this is a sensitive one, I choose to keep mum because they might change tact. I shall proffer you a befitting solution in camera.
On the issue of gays and paedophiles, there is nothing to argue about. I already told you these two groups do not even deserve animal rights. They don’t deserve an execution by firing squad because it’ll be a waste of bullets that would have done a better job. Order them to be tied in mass and left to starve in the forest. Whoever feels pitty or appears to be their sympathizer should join them. Paedophiles and gays should not be allowed near other animals because our animals don’t do the abominable acts like the ones they do.
Sir, I would say more but Kenyans hate reading long article. However, I will speak another day. Have a merriest Christmas Sir and a happy new year.
(The writer sells Bananas in the streets of Kisii Town)