Lately been thinking how our childhood affects our adulthood and the thing they call trauma.
Knowledge and education has taught us to know what is wrong and what is right regardless of specific contexts.
When the video of the Nyeri woman beating and insulting her husband surfaced someone asked in a group, what such does to the child?
Of course if the kid is conscious and the long term memory is operational, the image of parents fighting or the father beating the mother never leaves you.
There are other causes of trauma. Insults. Poverty. Abuse. Incest. Rape. Neglect.
Mary Trump in her new book about her famous uncle, she says, Trump became a pathological
narcissist because he was neglected as a child and his father, Fred was someone who believes in winning at all costs. And see what that neglect gave us. A man who craves approval 24/7.
Most of us, went through a lot as children.
In the past, people used to erase such memories, and press on with life. But recently, with modern psychology becoming all too accessible, most people can’t seem to let go off their childhood demons.
Now it manifests itself in many ways. Someone who grew up in poverty can be a bad spouse because they make making money their sole mission in life. Someone who was abused(incest, rape, etc) finds it hard to ever trust again and any slight trigger they are off.
Some manage it better than most.
But, most people are fearful. People out here are afraid even of their own shadows. And we mask our fear by acting so irrationally, it scares me.
Yuval Noah in his 21 Lessons for the 21 Century makes a good case for secularity as an antidote to the limitations of religion. He outlines the beauty of secularity in its quest for compassion, freedom and equality. But he stops short of saying that human beings can be scientifically handled or engineered to have compassion, empathy and such.
It is a hollow argument, in that human beings are complex, and no amount of science, no amount of psychology can explain how irrational we are. It is like the old, but now debunked myth that human beings are rational shoppers. Ever seen where men and start buying mizingas?
For instance why do adults, even those educated, still do bad stuff like fight in front of their children? Or do hurtful stuff to each other, even those they love, full aware of the consequences? Why do we always want to exact revenge, even when we know, revenge will hurt us more? Why do we live wanting to prove a point, even when it is pointless? Why does so much pettiness thrive in marriages and even amongst friendships?
Is it possible to overcome pride? To tame our ego? Is it possible to live down to the calling of adulthood and responsibility it accords us.
And more importantly, knowing we are broken, can we spare our children unnecessary drama and give them a fair shot at life?
By Silas Nyanchwani via Facebook