My name is Job Mogire. I am a Kenyan. Yes, my country produces great athletes. That’s not all; there are many other stunning contemporary facts you should know:
> Our president is a charming and kind man; for example, he occasionally interrupts his travels to visit Kenya. Plus, at least, he only travels with half of HIS government; the rest remains in-country to attend political and prayer rallies (our current #1 national strategic objective).
> We don’t open Facebook accounts; we fix them; we promulgate them; I swear… there’s a way we click that thaaaang, you have nah ideeeeeea! And, it costs KSh. 2 million (US$ 20, 000). Two-mmmmmiiiittaaaa…. because we mean business.
>Our parliament has more seats than the total number of ICU beds in the entire country – now, beat that! â€ª#â€ŽnuffSaidâ€¬
>Our only radiotherapy machine (we are so special, we only need ONE!) is currently broken… you are welcome for a free tour of the machine; our technicians are available to help you take some pictures of this precious and ancient equipment from the early 90s! We are trying to answer the question: “How long can a piece of equipment work before it breaks down and resists all forms of repair and prayers?”
> With county-inspired expertise, we discovered non-carcinogenic wheelbarrows in 2015. Forget the BMWs of this world; these barrows are the ish. Of course the accounting technology used is a national top secret, I won’t divulge it here.
> We have also just invented an innovative blue-tooth enabled, Android-compatible, universal, anti-El nino bar soap (awaiting patents).
> We build hospital gates worth more than entire hospitals behind them! Also, our hospitals’ curtains are (at the lowest) gold-plated, self-perfuming, self-folding and depreciation resistant pieces of modern art, â€ª#â€ŽYouShouldSeeThemâ€¬! Yes, they cost more than the contents of the wards they are fixed on (read installed).
> We are currently working hard to redefine two age-old concepts: SUCCESS and CORRUPTION. Our key research question is: “How much theft of national resources can an economy sustain before it collapses?” Our 47 pseudo-specialized double-blind regional units are collaborating with the national perpetrators and PRIVATE DEVELOPERS to explore this frontier.
SUCCESS? That’s a preserve. Of â€ª#â€ŽTenderPreneursâ€¬. Our new framework goes like this: See a tender? Register a company (use a foreign name). Buy the tender. Fake the project. Fake completion. Apply for payment. Recoup your costs. Use the money. To buy another one. If you need, buy a politician. Or many. Especially the topdawg. And go on TV, for interview. â€ª#â€ŽMySuccessStoryâ€¬
There’s a lot more than I can share here. Just visit. Or better, come buy a tender from us. We will tell you how much to quote; and then, we will tell you where the money goes.