By Jackson Omondi
The country is yearning for change. The people of Kenya are looking for answers and the country’s leadership is clueless and desperately trying to change the subject. The upcoming debates will be an opportunity for Raila to deliver a knockout punch. And that’s why the Pythagorean decided to put together a plan of attack for the enigma.
First of all, each candidate’s camp, will go into the debates with clearly defined goals. For president Kenyatta the beleagured incumbent, the plan will be an to attempt pacify his supporters with boiler-plate items like the SGR and unverified data on a mythical GDP growth. The rest of his time will be spent on playing victim in the face of an imaginary political ogre by the name Raila Odinga. In short, UK will stick to his base. Even if they are equally hungry and tired like the rest of the country, he needs them to still feel energized in order to turn up in large numbers. The only way to get them there is to pretend like his safety and security will be in jeopardy if things don’t go his way. He needs them for survival.
For Raila the challenger, this will be the time to reassure those nervous and politically vulnerable voters who have been left behind by the Uhuruto gravy train. Raila will have to speak to the voters who make up NASA. To put it plainly, there are no meaningful Raila votes in Jubilee strongholds and any attempt to make a play or pitch to those voters is a waste of time and resources that can be used in getting-out-the-vote efforts. There is a reason why Democratic presidential candidates never campaign in Oklahoma and Alabama. It makes zero sense. Lets not pretend.
With goals clearly drawn, its time for Raila to prepare for the debates by actually participating in mock debates. His team must look for someone to play Uhuru Kenyatta. The person must be someone who can look Raila in the eye and deliver a low blow without fear of any repercussions. He must be able to talk loudly and point at the Enigma in a dismissive fashion because that is what the enigma is going to face on live television with millions of kenyans watching. The Pythagorean has someone in mind and if the team can get him to help, it would be golden. That man is barrister Miguna Miguna! If the legal scholar deigns, the team will be lucky, but if he snubs them, then they will have to cast the net wider. The mock debates will enable the enigma to be able to practice, test out zingers and devise counter-attacks before the main event. He will also get a chance to hear potential outrageous attacks early enough and make adjustments on an as needed basis. If the team has no intention of doing mock debates then the rest of this piece is irrelevant.
If the outcome of the debates will be determined by who can speak in a nasal drawl (tweng), then Kenyatta will easily ‘win’ because his online cheerleaders will instantly crown him ‘eloquent’ even if he said nothing about the economy or anything of national significance. Fortunately, the issues are too weighty for accents and the probono NASA online juggernaut is ever ready for instant fact-checking.
Below are pointers applicable to each debate.
Raila’s opening statement:
First of all i want to thank the organizers of this debate for giving us a chance to speak to the Kenyan people. Its good to be here with you Mr President. I want to thank the millions of Kenyans watching around the country. We are at a defining moment in our nation, the economy is in shambles, you the people of Kenya are looking for answers, you have been forgotten and given the economic posture of our nation, its clear that this president has turned his back on you wanjiku. Tonight, I intend to share with you the people of Kenya, my plans for our great nation. Tonight, you will be treated to two different schoool of thoughts. A clean break from mismanagement and incompetence to proven leadership under a results-oriented leader. The choices could’nt be clearer. Thank you.
At this point, the president, predictably peeved by the incompetent tag, will force a chuckle and then deliver SGR talking points and empirical data extracted from the fiction-laden ‘portal.’
The enigma must then proceed to debunk the fictitious numbers by unleashing a catalogue of Jubilee’s mega financial heists. From the Anglo leasing payouts, to Eurobond, NYS and many other tax-payer crippling fraud committed under Uhuruto.
The President’s reaction will certainly be dismissive but Raila must deliver bullet point presentation of how wanjiku and her grandkids will have to pay for the billions stolen under UK’s watch. The message must be delivered in such a way that the voter gets to understand the correlation between the stolen billions and their own psrsonal financial positions.
The enigma must constantly refer to the President as “This President…. ” That will not only get under his skin, but it will help drive home all zingers and salvos.
” This president is presiding over the most corrupt and incompetent regime in the history of Kenya.”
The message is home: among all the presidents to ever rule Kenya, this president is ranked from under the tables.
At this point, he will hop on to the newly minted desperation cause celebre – ICC. A move clearly aimed at the base, but the enigma should deliver one decisive response on the issue and then pivot to Unga and the economy.
” Two elections ago, this country went through an unfortunate event that led to loss of lives, limbs and property. Attempts were made to litigate the matter locally but were resisted by some who actually ended up in courts way beyond our shores. That process was concluded. The records are clear and as time went on, the truth came out. Unfortunately, this president has ran out of ideas and is running out of time and with no answers to the many questions being asked by wananchi, he is now engaging in propaganda. Mr President, Kenyans don’t eat propaganda, you have fed them propaganda and public relations for four years and they just cant afford five more years of the exact same thing! Feed them unga for change.”
While at it, Raila must exploit the president’s achilles heel – his temperament. If you add the fact that he is an incumbent surrounded by yes-men, you have political goldmine!
The enigma should press him harder on accountability and plainly declare that he is unfit, was unqualified to begin with, incompetent and is presiding over the worst adminstration in the history of Kenya. RAO must also lampoon him for tolerating a corrupt DP.
A full court press by RAO will yield dividends and the visibly angry UK will snap on national television with millions watching. And that is when RAO should then close in for the kill thus:
” My fellow Kenyans, you have witnessed an epic meltdown. An out of touch leader refusing to own up and accept that he is simply overwhelmed by the job. Well, this president is angry but as you are clearly aware, he is not the only angry person in Kenya. Wanjiku is angry and hungry, doctors are angry and hungry, nurses are angry and hungry, our men and women in uniform are angry and hungry, our kids are hungry our youth are angry and hungry! But guess who is not hungry? This President! This president had the audacity to brag to you about kula nyama na nyinyi mnameza mate! This president’s anger is fake and misplaced. His priorities are nowhere near making you feel better. Its time for change. Its time for NASA. Thank you and may God bless Kenya.
For Pythagoras Strategies Inc.