By Jon Stewart for the daily show- LOL
Once again high society has urinated on you. As news rolled out of Muhoho Kenyatta, son of President Uhuru Kenyatta and grandson of the late Jomo Kenyatta, opening a Mitumba stall somewhere in Nairobi, many residents of Â Gachie, Githurai and Kiambu celebrated the good news. . .wait a moment. . .only to be shell-shocked by the advertisement, launch and prices of the underwears, pyjamas and other assortments the president’s son is trading.
Muhoho is not just an ordinary hawker in Nairobi despite the fact that he has decided to give the poor women of Gikomba selling Mitumba a run for their money and cloths; rather, he is the quintessential city hawker number Â one who opens his bale of Mitumba at an exclusive party in the luxurious Villa RosaÂ Kempinski (now if you do not where Villa Rosa is and you voted jubilee, you are as analogue as the guys who believed in Eugene Wamalwa).
At the recent launch of the first Statehouse arrivals of Â “Muhoho Mitumba”, a bevvy of Far East beauties, I mean wealthy children of former Indian coolies, first served you red, white and yellow wines before you made your first purchase, thrusting Muhoho as a businessman with means, roads and superhighways. If anything, he is the son to President Kenyatta and grandson to Jomo Kenyatta and nephew of Beth Mugo and I don’t know what of Jeff Koinange of the Koinange Family and the Koinange Street, but Muhoho probably has passed through that street during the day, not at night.
Muhoho, the third in line to the Kenyatta Monarchy, and the 5th President of the Republic of Kenya (2022-2032) has leapt long into the future and by the time he gets the TNA ticket for the presidency (Ruto please, accept and move), his net worth will be equal to the number of votes in their Â millions cast by voters and in their the few thousands cast by IEBC plus twenty other zero-es at the end. You see, a decade from now, when the country will be populated by 15 billionaires and 65 million beggars, the demand for Muhoho Mitumba clothes will be what the demand for milk is like today.
At ksh 2000 a piece, Muhoho Mitumba cloths are the most expensive mitumba south of the Sahara and north of the Kalahari. At 2000 a piece, the monthly rent of half of his dad’s ardent supporters from Githurai on the other side to Kinoo on this side, Muhoho Mitumba already entered the world FactBook as the greatest leisure invention of the child of an African President and grandchild of an African President.
Muhoho Mitumba is not being stocked Â anywhere near the places you purchase your wares in Nairobi. Muhoho Mitumba is not being sold in Muthurwa or Ngara. The buyers of Muhoho Mitumba are not the bei-ya-mwisho-ni-ngapiÂ type of us; nay, Muhoho Mitumba is the newest brand of the most unique kind of clothes you can access. It is a high society commodity for high society skins. It was premiered on KenyaN tV stations by models who eat pizza and croissants, not the tired leso-wearing mamas who feed exclusively on Ugali Sukuma Maharagwe.
The only worry for Muhoho is if Kingwa Kamenchu gets near his stall, she is using reasonable force to confiscate anything covering the human genitals.
The Kenyatta empire has been doing business in all sectors of the economy ranching from Dairy, Banking, Insurance, Education/schools, Farming, Land, Mining, Brewing, Tobacco, Real estate among others and ofcourse finally Muhoho now represents the Mitumba sector!
Muhoho Mitumba. Methinks I will afford a piece!