By Albert Nyakundi Amenya aka The Banana Peddler
There is this perception that Kisii men are the most romantic in Kenya. According to women, Kisii men are BEASTS. They are known to be the best “horse riders” because they are extremely rough and can mercilessly pound that thing until it turns red.
There is no gainsaying these days women are extremely horny given the type of food they eat. Every woman needs a man who can go the whole hog and take her to cloud nine, or whatever they call it.I want to give you a secret behind the sexual prowess in a typical Kisii man.
Before a Kisii boy joins class one, he must face the knifeman. But before he faces the knifeman, there are things he must be taught by the elders. Among the things, is the best way to treat a woman especially when making.
It is that time when the boys you’ve been insulting get a chance to carry out their revenge mission on you by disciplining you uninterruptedly.
In our culture, anyone that faces the knife a year before you automatically becomes your senior regardless of whether he is younger than you. You will treat that person with respect until one of you gives up the ghost. Suppose you insult the boy that is already circumcised while you are not, he will pile those mistakes and wait until your day comes.
The ceremony takes place at around a few minutes to 6am. The entire night is dedicated to instilling thorough discipline on boys before they are confirmed men. Neither your mother nor father is allowed anywhere near you. Men take full control of you and work on you properly.
When I was undergoing circumcision process sometimes back in late eighties, I was given a though beating by the big boys a night before. I remember them asking me if I have a girlfriend and I made a mistake of saying yes. Asked who the girl was, I mentioned a girl whose brother was among the disciplinarians.
Only God knows what happened to me next. I was beaten like a thief. I remember the late Onchimbo commanding me to use my index finger to drill a hole on the ground and demonstrate how I make love with the girl. He ordered me to do it until I ‘drown’ ejaculate there. (Mpaka nife maji hapo) The rest is history.
At the eve of circumcision, elders tell you that if you happen to get that ‘thing’ you should work on it ruthlessly as if you will never see it again. Assume it is the last one on earth and Screw it properly.
You see, Kisii men are blessed with big strong ‘rungus’ that hammer that a woman until she thanks her ancestors.
Immediately you are circumcised, you are escorted home by a large crowd of men who swarm around you chanting heroic traditional songs (emeino ne chisimbore) A chorister leads as the rest respond. They have transformed a boy to an adult.
For instance,there is this famous song:
“Oyo oyo oyoo, o, oyo..ho(×2)
Omoisi oyoo Omoisi oyooho, oyo..ho
Bwarokireee bwarokireee..ehe oyo..ho
Obeire omomura obeire omomuraaa..ha oyo..ho
Aakerie buya, aakerie buyaaa..aha, oyo.ho
Upon arrival at home, they then confine you an isolated room called Esaiga and assign you a keeper, the one who will keep an eye on you and take care of you until you recover fully. Nonetheless, during your stay, they do to you a ceremony called chinyangi. Men troop in with whips ready to work on you.
They then feed you with over sixty types of extremely bitter roots from different types of trees and leaves from more than thirty species of trees and weeds. The bitterness of that stuff will make you vomit out your intestines albeit you are not permitted to. Try and attempt to vomit, you will receive the beating of the season.
That is the stage when a Kisii man is made. That is when he becomes a tiger and acquires the prowess in love making. The juice in those roots and leaves contain some shithole chemicals that floor well in the boy’s veins and rectify every little problem to allow blood flow to the penis uninterruptedly.
There is this common theory that there are men who need to be jumpstarted sexually in order to erect. There is nothing like that among the Gusii men. They are always alert any time, any day anywhere and anyhow as long as they sight them.
As the boy heals, there are medicinal leaves that are coated around the wounded area. The medicine in those leaves helps increase the size of the “little man” and triple the stiffness when he erects. The roots the boy is convalescing boy is coerced to chew helps the rungu to become rough and rooty – Only a woman can explain the type of job a rough, rooty and strong stick does. The rest, science can explain well.
When the boy successfully undergoes all that, there are foods recommended because they keep including Ugali ya Wimbi na Mtama (Millet and sorghum) Sweet potatoes and indigenous vegetables like Black nightshade commonly known as Managu, Spider Flowers commonly known as Sageti/saga or Chinsaga and Pig weed commonly known as Terere/Emboga among others.
These foods including Bananas, act as the healthcare mainstay by helping the blood flow well in the system. They are asked to abstain from eating foods like Githeri, Waru and Mokimo as their main meals. With all these, the boy becomes a super shithole bedroom tiger.
If he happens to catch a wife of one of these members of the business community whose husbands only think of how to make money and are hardly at home, he will ride her until she calls her ancestors for help. She will forever thank her stars for meeting the man.
A woman can cum even five times while the Kisii man has not drowned yet, thanks to those medicinal roots and leaves, the tarimbo can remain firmly alert for three consecutive hours without relenting or showing any signs boredom.
You see, when it comes to matters of love, women are open to each other. If one tastes, she will surely testify to her friends who will in turn give it a stab and continue spreading the gospel.
If you want to give it a trial with a Kisii man, know that condoms are not useful. They deshape and wear out after a few minutes, forcing you to change. Imagine how many times you’ll keep changing them yet you have a five hour journey ahead of you before you go for the first short break.
Just ensure you have enough lubrication to help you oil the machines because they’ll definitely be drying.
That is the secret behind Kisii men and their prowess in bed. (Abagusii baminto kenyambi aba kebatounereirie keregento mpaka Obogambi, nainwe korera abasubati babo egasi.
(Chimoti echio amo nebinungusu ebio mobwate ruta bokong’u naende nechinguru) Inche narasokire gochi aiga ake imanya koirana baadae.
(writer sells bananas in the streets of kisii Town)