By Alberto Nyakundi Bin Amenya aka The Banana Peddler
So, Anne Waiguru is still in office even after she confessed that close to sh800m grew wings and fled in her watch. Just recently, President Kenyatta sang like a bird while condemning corruption as he read the names of the corrupt individuals in his government. To me, the question still remains; by so doing and asking a section of people to step aside, what did the President hope to achieve?
If asking few individuals to step aside was President Kenyattaâ€™s objective to raise awareness about corruption, he failed. As far as corruption is concerned, the song President Kenyatta sings has the same tune as that the one the world reads in the media every day.
If I were the President of Kenya, Iâ€™d go the capital punishment way. I would coerce Kenyans to believe that â€œBehind every great fortune there is a crimeâ€
As a preamble, I would recommend death penalty for treasury looters so as to jumpstart the anticorruption campaigns and motivate corruption fighters. If capital punishment was introduced and successfully eliminated corruption elsewhere, then why donâ€™t we go for it? If it worked in China, Kenyans must be ambitious enough to move beyond their lamentations and arrive at their destination.
If we donâ€™t fight corruption, corruption will eat us up. Perhaps, I can recommend that those found guilty of corruption be killedâ€¦ sorry that is not the right term, I mean they should be sentenced to death.
Since independence, corruption has grown to become the only viable industry in Kenya. It has also become the largest creator of jobs, employing tens of millions. That is why any attempt to uproot it canâ€™t be successful without pulling out the country.
Perhaps, the implementation of my recommendations would make holocaust a childâ€™s play. Since we accept that stealing is corruption, all billionaires wonâ€™t need to be tried; they would be matched to the guillotine. To my understanding, there is no genuine business that can make anyone working in the Kenya that I know and live in, a billionaire. Even sh1billion in oneâ€™s pocket must have come from illicit drugs, robbery or theft or overinflated government contracts. Hardly any partisan politician or contractor would be spared.
Next to be executed without trial would be the creators of the current constitution for lying that â€œWe the people gave it to ourselvesâ€ They would all be hanged. To be put on trial also, would be all public servants who received jumbo salaries and allowances without working. Of course, I am certain they would all be found guilty and tied to a stake and shot. Even the messengers that used to ask for tips â€“ through body language or openly â€“ before missing files could reappear would face the hangman.
Other civil â€œservantsâ€ to sit on the electric chair would be judges and lawyers whose tendency was to alter the course of justice. In any case, it would be easy to locate them by tracing their assets. In my take, no honest civil service especially resident magistrates can own two cars, not even Tuktuk.
I would replace all highway traffic police officers with highly trained deaf and mute comrades. These are the lots that donâ€™t know how to negotiate any deal because if you insist on it, heâ€™ll think you are taking his inability for weakness.
No civil servant in Kenya can singlehandedly and depending on his legitimate income can afford to pay his childâ€™s school fees abroad or build a decent bungalow in the city or village. Why is it that it is only a penniless Kenyan who can be elected to position of MCA and become a millionaire after 1month in office? Were I the determinant, such perso9n would only explain to me after showing a tree in his compound that grows money in either US$ or Ksh.
If my proposal was to be effected tomorrow, a majority of police port and army officers would be found guilty on the first day of the courtâ€™s sitting. So would pastors, bishops, priests and their faithful. Three thirds of Kenyan women would be found guilty of cheating on their spouses. To confirm it, Iâ€™d ask each married woman to name the father of each of her children and those that turn mute suddenly due to shock, DNA would do it for them.
By the time all these are executed, the number of armed robbers, political thugs, economic terrorists and kidnappers in Kenya would decline. It would be necessary to round up little criminals, anyway, and throw them into a furnace or a lagoon. I am saying this bearing in mind that a certain community may remain with hardly 10 members from 7million. But the law is an ass anyway.
Kenyaâ€™s population would change from 50 million to perhaps 17million. Only children and a few incorrupt adults like me would be left behind in the country. By so doing, Uhuru Kenyattaâ€™s history books will remain clean.