By Jacob Omugah
If I were a serious jubilee supporter, I would come out clean and challenge our opponents with true facts on their faces. I will turn all stones in regard to the following facts:
1. I shall start by accounting on how over Ksh. 280 billion disappeared in the hands of Kenyans. Or if at all the multbillion shillings did not disappear, then I shall single out two or three projects which are on progress courtesy of the eurobond money. By so doing, I shall have shut down down all Raila supporters, Ekuru Aukot fans and even Abduba Dida himself.
2. I shall then go ahead and narrate to Kenyans on where the funds that were set aside for El Nino downpour disappeared to, which actually didn’t pour. By telling Kenyans on who instead pocketed the whole kitty, I shall have saved jubilee some blame.
3. Without forgeting the famous NYS scam, I shall also honestly explain to the taxpayers that it’s not just sh. 700 million, but Waiguru (wa-ikulu) made her way with a whopping Ksh. 20 billion. And then I will inductively give 20 reasons why Waiguru was finally cleared by the kinisu EACC and declared as clean as cotton. Kwani ni nani alimwona akiiba ?
4. Without wasting even a second, I shall rush to another controversial topic which has been kept under the covers for long now. The ksh 400 billion Galana Kulalu irrigation project. I shall explain in capital letters and diagrams why on earth a project aimed at reviving our food security has been sent to it’s grave 6 feet deep with no hope of its resurrection. I shall do it by mentioning all the scam beneficiaries in person. I shall clear the big name Eugine wamalwa from all this shun. By so doing, I shall have saved jubilee the embarrassment that it is currently undergoing.
5. Even with the serious rejection that Chupirii is facing from every corner of the world, I shall simply take heart and go on. The inflated SGR construction cost won’t deter me. I will narrate about the mystery behind the extra of over 100 billion taxpayers shillings that has mysteriously disappeared under the watch of the one kamwana.
I shall also advice all matatu owners who have been sent packing since the launch of the scandalous SGR thing on the way forward Or best, I will give them alternative jobs for the next two months while awaiting Raila to sort them after his enigmatic swearing in on August.
Otherwise with this, I shall have learnt that jubilee is nothing but a falling regime which is drastically losing ground, sinking and will soon discover something like gold but not the true gold.
6. While folding my luggage to decamp the corrupt and tribal jubilee regime, I shall deliver my closing remarks by commenting on the current economy of our country. With some gripping fear now down my spine, I shall expound on why the cost of 1US$ shot from 80 to over 100 Kenya shillings within 3 financial years. This will also come hand in hand with the reasons why the cost of living has become unbearable for even the blind jubilee supporters. The cartels behind unga, sugar and milk shortage shall be mentioned here in broad daylight.
To sum up the whole escapade, nitameza mate machungu, nitafakari kama wahenga kisha niseme ndani ya moyo yangu; ‘kudefend jubilee ni ngumu kama kupatia mburukenge maji baridi na kikombe ya chuma, haitakunywa.’ Halafu nitainua shingo/singo yangu polepole na nifungue kinywa changu na kusema, ‘Am_Gone_And_All_Is_Done’.