By Collins Aj Luanda Magere
Given that Uhuru is unable to decide what to do, we will this weekend send him a mini script on what he needs to do in the coming days…
1. Dissolve the entire cabinet (rather than sacking people one by one and creating tribal martyrs). Let the good, the bad and the ugly all go home, then wait a week before further action.
2. Ask Raila to send you a list of 13 of the 22 new CS’s. The idea is for Raila to have a majority in the cabinet because he has a spine, which you obviously…anyway, never mind. Ensure the cabinet has not more than two Kikuyus and not more than two Luos.
3. Make Gen Daudi Tonje your Defence CS, Lt Gen Daniel Opande your Interior CS, Mukhisa Kituyi your Trade and Industry CS, then send Recce Company to kidnap David Ndii and force him to sign on as Finance CS before being released.
4. Send Opande to arrest Ruto and haul him to court on corruption charges. Then ask parliament to start the process of removing Ruto from the post of DP. Ask your elder brother Raila if he wants to take the seat now or if James Orengo can sit in for him until his inauguration in 2022. Forget Gideon Moi. Cabbages are not serious vegetables when you want to feed traditional guests.
5. Send KRA after Sudi and Murkomen. Then ask Ogalo, the new Commissioner of Prisons, to have prison tailors take their measurements in case they need uniforms.
6. Create a parking yard for those SANY demolition trucks at Wilson Airport, for no apparent reason. Every Monday, let them vrooom towards Langata Road and back to parking yard. Just moving about within a hundred meter radius doing nothing.
7. Bring marginalised tribes back to government in a huge way. Luhyas, Somalis, Coastals, Kambas, pastoralists…then call early elections.
8. If anybody threatens Kikuyus living in the Rift Valley, have Ogalo take his measurements.
9. For fuck’s sake, send food to Turkana and let the new Raila Ministers help you get a sustainable solution to this madness.
10. It is almost April and there are no rains. There will be more hunger this year. Ask Raila and his 13 CS’s to take care of it, and go to Mombasa and commune with Jack Daniels.
11. Thank me later.
This government should be dissolved. Almost half of the cabinet is corrupt. We asked for a radical surgery we have never got. We all forgot and moved on. Is time we called a spade a spade. Help me get a message to Mr President. Dissolve the cabinet Now #DissolveTheGovernment
— Lord Abraham Mutai (@ItsMutai) March 23, 2019