……OF A JOB APPROVED FAR BEYOND OUR BORDERS, BY A ‘COLONIAL POLLSTER’.
After interviewing 1000 people, a Gallup Poll ranked President Uhuru Kenyatta the 3rd best performing President in Africa.
Jubilee supporters, and, as is becoming their norm, the media in Kenya, has bought the polls hook, line and sinker.
Never before had we seen overwhelming support for ‘scientific polls’ by Jubilee supporters as now. Even more numbing is the fact that our brothers, sisters and friends in the political right now believe in a colonial, western polling institution.
As we’ve always said, a typical jubilee supporter, whether head of a hate-speech commission or cleaner pale Ngara, is a complex organism when studying their political characteristics.
To misquote Winston Churchill, they are paradoxically strange Kenyans -they ‘resolve only to be irresolute’, they ‘decide only to be undecided’.
I dare add, they put an expensive price tag on valueless commodities, like this Gallup Poll. In the end, they sell us hot air.
One day scientific polls are voodoo. The next day such polls are the oxygen – vital for the survival of a faltering, floundering regime under the weight of its own internal contradictions.
We in the political left don’t dismiss polls, however disagreeable they are to us. However, we dismiss the methodology.
For any statistician, the question of variables form the crux of any scientific enquiry. And we ask, what were the variables?
When you do ‘ranking’, essentially, you are making ‘comparisons’. How, in God’s earth, do you compare African Presidents by asking their internal citizens? If you do, that’s how you get Uhuru at position three, and Mugabe above Zuma of South Africa even as thousands of Zimbabweans continue to throng South Africa, escaping the poverty and hopelessness of life under Mugabe. But Gallup thinks Mugabe is doing a good job, anyway.
Gallup came to Kenya in 2013 (notice it is 8 months into 2014), asked some 1000 people if Uhuru is doing a ‘favourable’ job (whatever this means) and jumped into a plane to Uganda, asked 1000 Ugandans excluding one David Matsanga who was probably getting ready for an interview on #JKL or just idling at Sabina Joy, or Simmers, or Serena, all here in Nairobi, for the vagrant is a state guest, or so we are told. Ha!
Thing is, in this Gallup poll, there existed only independent variables, no dependent variable at all. I mean, it is doubtful if those interviewed here knew this ranking would come. Even if they knew, I would be the first person to give ‘my president’ 100 percent ‘job well done’ if I were told he is being compared to some Malian President I know not his second name. Maybe, I am bluffing.
President Kenyatta was ranked 3rd. Ask any Jubilee supporter why he wasn’t ranked first, or second, and you see a man and woman so willing to foam in the mouth, sweat in the armpits or ‘release’ pungently from their rear. Complex organisms our friends are.
Be all these as they may, we welcome the new jubilee diplomatic breakthrough abroad, and the highly successful media propaganda here at home, for whoever pays the piper calls the tune. That’s the concoction you get when broke (and blank) journalists are served ketepa at the hilly house of Jomo II, the ‘place to be’, as Alfie I of Masaku would put it, succinctly.
What they didn’t tell us, and which they think we don’t know, is that Gallup is among the many American PR entities ‘lobbying’ for Nairobi.
In the polls, of 2013, (this is August 2014), 15-24 year olds approved of President Uhuru’s work at 78%, 24-34 approved the President’s job at 77%, 35-44 at 70% and 45 years and above at 85% (jeez).
If it is not insulting to your intelligence that a 45 year old Kenyan would give President Uhuru some 85% thumbs up in the tumultuous 2013 – the year that we witnessed that spectacular bungling of rescue operations of citizens trapped in a high end shopping mall, saw cost of basic goods shoot through our rooftops and watched all those attempts at muzzling both the media and NGOs, then Gallup deserves a head of state house award, and a working partnership with several ‘reputable’ institutions here at home, like T ”N” A party of Onyango Oloo, Daily (sick) Nation, Jeff Koinange Live, National Profiling and Prosecution Commission (NPPC), and gikmakamago.
Wasn’t it 2013 that Ole Lenku left the lodge for Harambee House, a gigantic leap whose after effects continue to reverberate in our minds as we hold our breath in perpetuity, trembling in our loins, for we know that the worst of the worst is yet to come.
Twenty thirteen was not the best year to be position three. Such a student would shock his own teachers, and force a remarking of his every exam paper.
To accept this Gallup poll is to finally conclude that our own human intelligence is overrated.
Not only is it comical, but, really, really, really, sad.
By Dikembe Disembe via Facebook