Dear Endugu Matiangi,
I hope this letter finds you in fine fettles. My name is comrade Alberto Nyakundi Amenya aka the Kisii Banana Peddler. I hawk my bananas on the streets of Kisii town.
Bwana Matiangi, despite the fact that I don’t admire your person, – just like I don’t like Mr. Ibu, your lookalike brother from Nigeria – allow me to convey my heartfelt felicitations to you for the great work you have done in minimizing academic pirates. Thank you for sealing all cheating loopholes. Thank you for successfully restraining cartels from reaping where they did not sow. Indeed, you have buttressed former British Prime Minister Sir Winston Churchill’s judicious words that “The price of greatness is responsibility”
Endugu, it has been brought to my attention that there are scores of academic cheats who masquerade as professors yet they are bankrupt of any professorial character. That is why I am writing to you.
A good example of these academic fraudsters is two men who call themselves professors. They are Peter Kagwanja and Mutahi Ngunyi. These are the same folks that call themselves political commentator and writers. The fact that there is no shortcut to maturity; I can ascertain that these idiots share traits with former NAZI leader Adolf Hitler. They possess no professorial demeanor. Having studied them keenly when arguing for Jubilee, I have confirmed no intelligence is forthcoming in him.
For Mutahi Ngunyi to remain relevant, he must deliberately affront Opposition Chief Raila Odinga on daily basis. The bloke composes a catchy phrase aimed at throwing fake oral stones at Raila and tweets or says it on TV. Being the credulous humans they are, Kenyans especially those from the Jubilee wing hung on it and shower all the saintly praises at him. What a pity?
Besides the fact that Kagwanja possesses a poor gift of the gab, there is no scholarly lexicon exudate from his mouth. Kagwanja is not worth it in both character and learning. That is why many like me question the quality of his training – both moral and academic.
Sir Matiangi, in our universities these days, only a few are allowed to read courses like Law, Medicine, and architecture without bribing some criminals at the ministry of education. Since no one fails or repeats courses in our universities, our society has to bear the full brunt of corruption. Consequently, half-baked professors like peter Kagwanja and Mutahi Ngunyi and are birthed by the system. Sadly, these are just the initial days; we are yet to see the worst.
Every time I watch and listen to this murderer of the queen’s language on national TV, I feel like going ballistic. I feel like analyzing the dissertation they both buttressed if indeed they exist. I feel like meeting the professors that supervised their dissertational projects, just to confirm if their compos mentis is in their perfect psychological state.
I always attempt to read weekly columns written by some of these Kenyan academic buccaneers masquerading as professors – who obviously do not need proofreaders. Heartrendingly, I never go beyond the first paragraph on the account of nauseating grammatical errors. No wonder our disinterestedness in readership as a nation is birthed by the lack of grammatical creativity during content generation.
What do we have here? I recently visited my daughter’s school on the outskirts of Nairobi. As I spake with the quadragenarian class teacher of my daughter, he handed me a storybook containing abominable errors right from its preface. There and then, I distressfully dialed the number of the publisher in Industrial Area. He assuredly confirmed to me with temerity that he had made use of the top-notch editors and that the storybook was errorless. I was sorrily embarrassed that my ambidextrous intelligent daughter was being misled by books written by the Kagwanja-like schoolmen in collaboration with her teachers at such a tender age.
Bwana CS, I have a premonition that Mr. Kagwanja and Ngunyi are among the crackpots who cheated their way to victory. Here, we have rubberstamped two of Adolf Hitler’s powerful quotes “It’s not the truth that matters, but victory” And the victor will not be asked how he did it”
Sir, please probe the bribe-seeking civil servants, especially the Universities Joint Admission Board (JAB) members. Mr. Matiangi, remember when mediocrity replaces merit, quality is compromised. If you allow learners to cheat especially their way, be ready to condone them when they become armed robbers or even half – baked professors like Kagwanja.
Good Luck Sir———————–
The Banana Peddler from the Land of Matoke