CONFUSION: Uhuru Slows Down Demolitions and Fight Against Corruption, No More Friday Arrests, DPP Relaxed?

By J Ogola

We were told that Bwana polygraph was coming and before we could Google, to know if we were to receive him from the JKIA or the port of Mombasa or Machakos Bus terminus or the Seregeya Bodaboda stage, they introduced another stranger

This one we were told had a name called lifestyle audit. Before we could say William Ruto, they let him go and tagged along another visitor, this time called riparian. They taught us all the building standing on riparian land will be demolished

Thank the deity, Kenyans are law abiding and of the millions of structures in the entire country, only two stood on such land, and since the two have been brought down, the demolitions on riparian has been suspended, until someone else builds a house over the river

They also said they were arresting all graft suspects and dragging them to court. They arrested some few, and suspended the exercise, yet the monks of the monastery are still roaming around

Away from that, we go to Anniversary Towers, the headquarters of IEBC, which has officially taken over from Kenya National Theater, as the official home of drama and comedy. The lead acrobat, Wafula Wa Chebukati, of the Apram Lingolin fame, seems to have his own unique way of solving problems

Just like Matiang’i believed in banning ie banning mocks, night travels, tuition, etc Chebukati believes in changing the door locks. His wife should be careful not to cross the red line because he will change the locks of his bedroom etc, forcng her to seek refuge back in their home

The guy walks with a fundi and new locks in his pockets, just in case he differs with anyone, he can cha fe his car lock, of five locks etc

Those with good memories remember it is this same IEBC chair, who called a presser 24 hours to the repeat elections, to tell the world that as matters stood, as a commission, he couldn’t guarantee the country that the elections would be any free or fair

He went ahead and conducted the elections, in the same environment he had reservations with and alas, after the “elections” he announced Uhuru the winner and declared that the elections were free and fair. Reminds me of the chairman of the now defunct ECK, one Samuel Kivuitu, who told us he didn’t know who won the elections

I personally advised Chebukati to take a leave home, and from his home in Chwele, he can then feign a running stomach in the night, then pretend to visit the bushes to attend to it, but while out, cross the waters of River Lwakhakha, to Uganda, perch himself on top of any tree and monitor events from there, than sit around to preside over that mediocre exercise, with Uhuru running alone, in th nane of an elections

We shift gears to Asbel. A video showing him about to engage in a horizontal engineering game has surfaced online. Perhaps to be on the safe side, nowadays, parties engaging in romance should first ensure there is nothing with a battery, a cellphone, a camera a watch etc

Again ladies, don’t agree to remove anything when the guy is still dressed. Toa nitoe, should be your clarion call. If you view the video carefully, you notice the man was cautious, meaning he might’ve done purposely, with the intend of leaking it

Those blaming Asbel for his poor kissing techniques, please record and share photos of yourself for us toto get at least an opportunity to watch experts, do it. It is insincere to expert Asbel a deadly athlete to be good in romance. You can’t be good in anything

Those good in matters horizontal are those who couldn’t excel in anything else, sports, academics etc

Lastly, if you see an old Volkswagen Beetle, blaring Franco music in the streets of Nairobi, give it way. That is Okoko William from his Birthday party, and chances are that himself, the driver is drunk and dozing off, as the car is looking for it’s way home

Great evening my fellow hoof eaters!!