Its difficult being a young man whose only accomplishment is watching all the series from his bed sitter. It had been a challenging month for me, and my girlfriend kept pestering me about my inability to take her out and make her feel special like her friends boyfriends made them feel.
My rat race situation could not allow me to break the bank and entertain my boo…. In fact, as a result of my mediocre salary I maintained a long distance relationship with my ‘Mtura guy’ and barber. The only person that came second to my boo was My Kibanda guy…. I just couldn’t resist chapati plus I didn’t know how to cook.
For the whole of last week, I limited my communication with my girl to messages of ‘Hi’ and ‘Hey boo, good day… I’m busy’, to which she replied…. “Its okay boo… I love uâ€
On occasion I would attempt to shoot down events by saying stuff like “Kids are there…. It won’t be fun….†and any other excuse. To be honest, I was secretly jealous of the other guys whom I perceived as wealthier or much more fun to hang around with.
Then Saturday came….. Masaku 7′s day. I sent her the regular morning text, but she would not reply. I was confused and consoled my self with the “Maybe she is still asleep statementâ€. I later purchased an 8mb bundle that was just enough to scroll through five Instagram pics.
What I saw on the third pic would induce hundreds of face palms and curses. I was wide eyed and breathing fast. If I can recall, I even produced a tension fart (And just in case you are wondering…. Yes some poop and foul smell came out…. I showered later on though….. And threw away the boxers. Hopefully some street kid will pick it up, wash it and I will have finally given back to humanity and the needy)
She was in a fancy vehicle and commented ‘En route to Masaku drunk already going crazy #TurntUp #SingleLadies #Boobs #Ratchetry #BadBitches #NoBra (Okay, I’m lying about the #NoBra hashtag… But it does sound funny)
I hurriedly woke up, searched for my wallet and in anger used my kibanda money to buy some airtime that would be solely used to stalk my own girlfriend on Instagram. She looked so much prettier. She never dressed like that during her bedsitter visits.
To my disappointment, she never posted any more pics. So there I was, a hungry jealous man who was dumped via hashtags. That night I put on my heartbreak playlist and never slept. Sunday and Monday have been the hardest for me. Why? The guy who took her for Masaku tagged her in more photos some of him kissing her and even groping her ass.
Thank you Masaku 7′s for making me lose my girlfriend. I hate you!