I am all for being yourself and allowing your date to get an accurate impression of who you are. But, we often confuse what actually does give an accurate impression. We all have skeletons in our closets, a couple of issues and insecurities, and some stories that we wish would just go away. Thatâ€™s fine. But itâ€™s how you treat those matters that says more about you than the fact that they exist.
Your family is nuts
Your father is an alcoholic. Your sister canâ€™t hold a job and acts like a perpetual teenager. Your mom had an affair. Even if itâ€™s not that drastic, you really shouldnâ€™t dish on your family too early on because it makes it seem like you are mad at them. And of course, we all have a point of tension here or there with a family member(s), but, whatever you bring up on the first few dates is something that your date will interpret as part of who you are, versus just a dynamic in your life. You donâ€™t want to make it seem like who you are is someone who is perpetually pissed at their family.
Details of your single life
This is an extension of the previous point. Are you in a â€œGirls Gone Wildâ€ video? Not his business (pray he never finds it). Did you used to ride the mechanical bull weekly at your local Western bar in teeny, tiny jean shorts? He doesnâ€™t need to know that. Did you host multiple â€œSEOâ€™s and Office Hoâ€ parties in your day? Let that be in the past. As stated before, a man needs to know that you are capable of not being totally wild, before he can hear about your wild days with a more objective ear.
Your childhood traumas
It is tragic, but a lot of grownups had traumatic experiences as children. Abusive parents. Jumping from foster home to foster home. Just an overall turbulent childhood. But, these are things that can be recovered from, and often are. Let a guy see that youâ€™re a stable and emotionally sound individual before you let him know the details of a childhood that seems it would have turned out a not so emotionally sound adult.
Youâ€™re struggling with depression or anxiety. Youâ€™re having an identity crisis over your job. Whatever it may be. When you and a man are close, you should definitely be able to share these things with him and find support in him. But, if you bring these issues up within the first couple of dates, you may just seem like too much drama for him. You know youâ€™re not too much drama and that youâ€™ll get a handle on things, but the fact that youâ€™re bringing it up very soon makes it seem like a very prominent thing in your life.
That you loved him at first site
Or that you knew youâ€™d end up together. Once you and a guy are madly in love, it is great to say these things. There is nothing freaky about it when it turned out that you were correct! But, no matter how strongly you feel that something serious will happen with a guy upon first getting to know him, saying that to most men just scares them away.