I read Makau Mutuaâ€™s monograph in The Standard on Sunday of September 13 on my supposed place in the Somali politics and wider Kenyan politics with utter bemusement.
In his signature showmanship, Makau paraded his unique talent in wallowing in the most preposterous inanities, yet again. That is precisely why I initially chose to ignore him.
But alas! Here he was again, this time on Jeff Koinangeâ€™s bench on Wednesday 19 September 2015 to be exact. Exuding his all-knowing attitude on every subject matter under the sun, the high-priest of Kamba intellectualism had no single kind word for any living soul.
That he spared no one, is quite typical of any balloon of vanity. By the way, Makauâ€™s weasel-talk reminds me that, â€œwhom the gods would destroy, they first make madâ€. This 19th Century prophesy of Prometheus in Henry Wadsworth Longfellowâ€™s poem â€˜The Masque of Pandoraâ€™ warns the wise not to stand on the way of anyone whose attitude and fate are destined for the gutter. As Waswahili say, â€˜La kuvunda halina ubaniâ€™ (That which is destined to stink defies the best incense).
Makauâ€™s knowledge of the intricacies of Kenyaâ€™s politics is oft-times only bumper-sticker thick. And thatâ€™s not a secret. Makauâ€™s summary dismissal of DP William Rutoâ€™s political career on Jeff Koinange Live caught my attention. This view confirmed Makauâ€™s shallow grasp of Kenyaâ€™s political landscape. In his Sunday article, Mutua painted Mudavadi as neutered leader of the Luhya.
But on JKLâ€™s Bench, the same Mutua extolled Mudavadi as a possible running-mate for Uhuru Kenyatta in 2017. In the same vein, the good professor snorted in the same Sunday piece that I donâ€™t qualify to be the Somali spokesman. This assertion is yet another clear testimony that the distinguished donâ€™s understanding of Somali politics is completely benumbed and jaundiced.
The truth is, thereâ€™s nothing and there has never been anything like a Somali spokesperson. In fact, even without invoking the wisdom of crystal ballsâ€”or any other balls for that matterâ€”thereâ€™s no likelihood of there being such an office anytime soon.
You see,Â Â the Somali are egalitarian and free. Being, as they are, a versatile and itinerant people with a strong entrepreneurial sense, the idea of imposed representation as community is out question. That though does not mean the Somali donâ€™t recognise those among them who are well-placed and equipped to articulate their fears, aspirations and dreams.
But why Makauâ€™s pen last Sunday oozed such virulent magma seems to fit well with a mindset overran by sordid hallucinations. On Jeff Koinange Live, the man, albeit in a jocular tone, offered himself as President Kenyattaâ€™s running mate come 2017.
Yet this is the same fellow who claims he doesnâ€™t consider Kenyattaâ€™s presidency legitimate. Such delirious inconsistencies should worry any sane person.
Most hilarious, however, was Makauâ€™s reference to the station of pedestrians in Kenyan politics to which he happily consigned me. Were the assignation of status a juju or â€˜kamutiâ€™ affair, itâ€™s likely that, in Makauâ€™s book, over 95 per cent of Kenyans would be hopeless pedestrians.
I may not know much about Makauâ€™s ancestry but I highly doubt the man can lay the remotest claim to any definable pedigree. Why then he would assign himself the onus of decorating others with dubious social status is quite curious.
Ideally, intellectual illumination abhors self-congratulation just as it shuns pomp and vain splendour. But the worst showing by Makau Mutua, though seemingly unbeknownst to him, is that his pitiful American-English twengâ€™ generously burdened with layers of his native Kamba tongue exposes his wannabe underbelly.
Those who follow Makauâ€™s lamentations in the media will tell you that his tarot cards hardly post accurate divinations. And rarely, if at all, do his ostentatious sorcery-struck premonitions prosper into reality.
In fact, his crystal balls are in a comatose state. Attempting to mesmerise readers with faddisms such as â€˜use-and-dumpâ€™, â€˜house-and-field negroâ€™, â€˜errand boyâ€™ or inciting communities with vacuous claims of â€˜marginalisationâ€™ is mere word play which any keen professor can muster.
But if Professor Makau Mutua wants to do political battle, let him declare so openly now. Thereâ€™s not much time left between now and the next General Election.
Indeed, I would love to see whether his own people would grant him the honour of representing his ward. For now, Makauâ€™s venom-laced political extrapolations ought to be treated with a generous serving of salt. And the demi-gods Makau serves as spokesperson to should see the light and get very worried indeed.
Hon. Aden Duale Â (URP) is the Leader of Majority Party in the National Assembly.