By Kenvin O
What is utopia?
Utopia is the kind of life people live in social media. The plain chic next door calls herself some exotic name, and thanks to filter features in her phone, she looks like Beyonce’s long-lost twin in her profile picture.
The broke distant cousin who was dumped last week by her socialite girlfriend for being too poor (they say the ex is now doing things with Chris Kirubi) is a proud owner of prime properties, a luxurious ride, and a villa in West Coast.
My former classmate who dropped out of school in class seven to get married and be beaten by her drunkard husband is a honors graduate from Harvard and Oxford Universities (Harvard being where she took her Bachelors and Oxford is where she received her master’s and PHD education)
The village thief who stole our only goat last Friday before raping his grandmother is a saved christian who posts Bible quotes and narrates testimonies on his experiences on the day of the Lord.
My agemate, with whom I was in nursery school in 1996, claims, without batting an eyelid, that 24th August is her birthday and she’ll be turning 16 years (oh sweet sixteen!). You are all invited to her birthday at Kempinski (read Kibandaski).
The couple whom I was counselling yesterday (the gentleman had beaten her silly. She lost one of her beautiful teeth.) pose as Adam and Eve, the perfect couple. The Obamas. People always comment with ‘aw!’ ‘wow!’ ‘marriage goals’ whenever they upload their lovely, airbrushed photos. Or whenever they narrate how they had a wonderful holiday together. Or how they love each other. In fact, after the incident yesterday, they posed together, the lady posted on her wall about an accident that cost her a tooth and how her husband was always with her ‘for better or for worse’.
And yours truly, the man writing this post, pretends that he knows all these people, Lol.
Thank you Zuckerberg for this wonderful innovation. We no longer have to read of a fairy land where everything is perfect. We can create it right here in Facebook and make everybody jealous. Now, to Obama, Putin, and Kenyatta, can you people give us the life we see and live in Facebook?