Photo: Mosaic photo of Akothee (right) Lilian Muli (centre) and Betty Kyalo (left); the three are top celebrities who were once married by highly conservative men; they went rogue and walked out of their marriage.
Part of the reason most marriages in our generation are failing or are going to fail, is that most men become conservative and most women, more so the learned ones become or want to be liberal the older they grow.
Nothing is wrong with both choices as each gender picks what suits it best. And this is not a criticism on women or men.
See what happens, a 30-year-old wants to start a family the old way. He sees this kanice, 26-going-27 girl. Since he is stable and ticks all the boxes, the girl enters his box. Beautiful wedding. Beautiful child two years later.
The man has put in all the sacrifices to make things work. The girl too, now still in love, but with limited choices plays ball, and everything is working well.
Five years later the man is making manly moves. Girls gets a better job and with her income, the man is there hoping that the combined income will bring common prosperity.
So, say the man wants to build a house in the village and needs wife to support him, most wives are always reluctant. Reason being, she probably has no desire to step in the village ever. And a house in the village makes no sense at all. About 73 percent of men who ask for help from wife to build a house in the village, rarely get any help. Unless, maybe a loan.
But if it is a town house, most women will agree because a town house makes more sense.
Another point of departure is that men want to settle the older they grow. But with new money, women want freedom. I know most men who have become appalled by the fashion choices of their wives, especially in the early 30s. Also, the kind of moves that girls pull.
Now, with kids older, and academic papers in check and money in the bank, women want to explore. This comes at a time a man would be happier seeing the wife in a longer, skirt, singing in a choir.
So, there is this ideological shift that can’t be bridged at all. Wife starts to cheat because she finds the man aloof and withdrawn. Since the man begins to loath the wife too, he will find some conservative girl and start an affair.
So, the once beautiful marriage is headed for a divorce and caught in the crossfire are innocent children. A man’s pride and ego are hurt and that shit doesn’t heal. And the woman, with her cash an old girl gang, she has a point to prove.
Two very regrettable things.
1. Most men give up, slowly withdraw and leave the wife to her own devices. Some can hang around for the kids. Most leave. And like that, Nairobi has another single mother. Luck for those with men who elect to take their fair share of the bills. Woe unto those men cut off all the links.
2. Most women don’t know when to stop. By the time, she wants to stop, it is too late. Life in the fast lane is like a drug. You always want to stay on the fast lane. Until you crush, age is not your side, and now, you have to confront a very lonely adulthood.
Disclaimer: I am fully aware of circumstances where it is men who don’t when to stop the partying and whoring. And I am fully aware of women who stay long enough and can’t stomach the shit and move on.
Either way, the stage for a very unfulfilled life in 40s for both genders has been set.
By Silas Nyanchwani via Facebook