By Silas Nyanchwani
We are ever so quick to jump into conclusions, it is a profession in Kenya. We have decided that Bob Collymore ‘s wife is a gold-digger and it was wrong she left her husband and father of her twins, that I understand Bob is so fond of.
We never pause for a moment to imagine, what if she was truly a victim of abuse in her marriage, and Bob Collymore was her blessing and savior from a man who did not appreciate her. Isn’t she beautiful? Have you done your research to know her net worth, her education background? Have you stopped to think that this may be the best thing that can happen to her husband?
Everything is never what it seems. Be slow to judge, and hold back your biases and presumptions. It is the mark of civilization and intelligence.
Secondly. If she in deed started cheating on him openly, then her husband does not deserve her. If a woman cheats on me, I will blame the woman, not the man she cheats with. Here is the thing: We all live in a world of temptation. Even when married, people always flirt. At the work place. At school and everywhere. It takes one being decent enough to know how far they can take it. Whoever cheats, and doesn’t protect his or her partner from knowing is the bad one.
We are all made of flesh. The same way men can’t resist a provocative younger woman is the same way some women can’t resist a man with money.
But before you call someone a gold digger, remember it is not your money she is digging. And a man may be naïve, but he will always know when he has to give money in order to win a woman. All in all, it is a fair game, because everyone gets what they want.
If you believe in destiny, it wasn’t meant to be that she will leave her husband and marry Bob. And maybe they will both find happiness and they will be fulfilled. I have seen all manner of ethnic stereotype and slurs, and I wonder what if she was from any other tribe, what people would have said.
If I told you to list down 10 women who you think are gold diggers, I am sure you will discover that gold-digging knows no tribe. And if a woman decides to live off men, what exactly is your beef? Whatever happened to people just minding their freaking business?
They will be fine. Even if they will not be, kindly worry about inflation, global warming, next year’s election. Anything.
And can we just give the Kikuyu women a break. Stereotypes to quote Chimamanda Adichie once again, are not necessarily untrue, but they are always incomplete. Human beings are human beings. There are bad people everywhere. If you look through your family tree you will see bad people there. You probably have a man whore in your family. You probably have badly behaved female cousins, single mothers, divorcees, etc.
Some of these things we accuse Kikuyu women are not exclusive to them.
Hating on them does not improve your situation in life or makes you a better person. You probably have decent Kikuyu colleagues or friends from college. When bereaved they have probably contributed towards your sick relative or the funeral arrangement. They have probably bought you beer. You have probably dated and slept with one and may be broke up on better terms. And a woman from a different tribe, or your tribe has probably ruined your life.
Us men from Western Kenya like to focus on marriages that fail when you marry Kikuyu, yet there are some that succeed. I have a relative, who even after her husband died she still identifies with the family.
Even as we denigrate Kikuyu women, we also don’t acknowledge that being a widow in Western Kenya is not one of the easiest things. I know many widows who have been dispossessed their husband’s wealth, abused and humiliated. Part of the reason being that we refuse to acknowledge death in West Kenya as a natural process. In every death, even when it is an accident, we read something sinister.
There are women who have probably conspired and killed their men. But it is not an exclusively Kikuyu problem. I know as many dysfunctional marriages between people of the same tribe. An arsehole is an arsehole. Whether a Kikuyu or a Luo, or a Kisii. Being a Kisii, does not make me stand the Embasavva makangas. Being a Kisii, didn’t make stand Nyamweya of KFF.
It always boils down to personal character.
More importantly, times are changing. We are now entering the era of serial monogamy. It will be less about tribe, and more about your character. Soon we will all be subjected to the same crucible: two working parents under immense pressure from work, school, parenting and it is not easy.
Men and women my generation will probably marry three or four times before they are 60.
Infidelity, both among men and women is an all-time high. Women have become less tolerant of bullshit. You mess once, they forgive. You mess twice, they drop you for something better. All these are organic changes that we should get used to.
So spare Wambui your shallowness. Don’t hate on Bob. You can sympathise with Kinyua. But losing a woman to Collymore is fair game. You could lose to a shamba boy. Or someone poorer.
Just work hard on your relationship or marriage. Avoid poking your nose into other people’s affair. Stop looking at every bomb blast as a Muslim affair, every corruption case as a Kikuyu affair, every act of violence as a Luo case. Deal with people and their imperfections, flaws and whatever you deem unfit without referencing their tribe or race.
We are all the same.
Lastly, if you are going to comment here and write something negative about anyone, or any tribe, do that in your wall.