BY NJOKI CHEGE
Let me start by congratulating you for finally convincing that man put a ring on it. I donâ€™t know how you did it; whether you got pregnant first to make him marry you, or if you were the perfect â€˜unputdownableâ€™ woman, or if you used threats to ensnare the man. Iâ€™ve got to give you props for finally nailing that great catch that is your husband.
Niceties aside, itâ€™s not what I am here for so letâ€™s get down to business. First and foremost, it is high time that married women faced some glaring facts that I know you already know, but are too timid to come face to face with them.
Fact one: is that polygamy is here to stay, whether you like it or not. There is no such thing as a â€˜one-woman-manâ€™. Not to sound too clichÃ©, but the truth is, men- no, your man cannot, can never, will never, has never been content with just one woman. He may not show you openly, but get this, men like variety, they like diversity, and they like their women in different shapes and sizes and this means that he will never be satisfied with one woman. He could be a reverend, a CEO, or even a pauper, but a man is a man, they want variety, they get variety. My advice to you is, make room for number two- a clande or a second wife.
Admit that the many hours he is away at work, at a conference or at church (hahaha); he could be in the arms of another woman. Chances are that the woman could be younger, prettier and more stylish than you. So every morning when you iron that crisp white shirt of his, bear in mind that there is a PYT (pretty young thing) holes up in a servantâ€™s quarter waiting to hastily unbutton it. Painful, but truthful.
Fact two: there is no such thing as â€˜perfect wifeâ€™ so stop trying so damn hard chasing after a mirage. The thing is, we are pretty, smart and â€˜tightâ€™- if you know what I mean. We can all make good mothers, good wives and good partners. We can all cook and those of us who canâ€™t, we are thankful to the Tuskyâ€™s kitchens. Now, stop trying so hard to please your husband.
Forget the self-proclaimed sexologists ripping women off their hard-earned money purporting to teach them â€˜mombasa rahaâ€™ acrobatics that will blow your husbandâ€™s mind away. The truth is, you may cook him chicken in diamond sauce and â€˜doâ€™ him monkey style, but the next day, he will still hit on that hot new intern in his office. Or fantasize with her when he is with you. You may look like Beyonce but the truth is, men with the prettiest wives are the biggest cheats. It doesnâ€™t matter to them whether you bathe in milk like Cleopatra to achieve that supple smooth skin, because he will still look for validation outside from a PYT. Finally, stop sacrificing your careers, businesses and time for the â€˜sake of familyâ€™, because that good wife act eventually wears everyone out, you will have too much time on your hands and you become the idle, bored housewife.
Fact three: The only person who matters in this world is youâ€¦and your children maybe. I know I will get a beating for this because â€˜I am not a mother yet, so I couldnâ€™t possibly understandâ€™, but the truth is, woman, youâ€™ve got to love yourself and be nice to yourself. I am no marriage counselor but I know one thing; that I have never found any person in this world that I love more than Njoki Chege. She is the most important person in this world, and everything I do; I do it for her, not for anyone else. So should you. Love yourself. Be nice to yourself.
Let you be the â€˜number oneâ€™ then the children, then him. I know we all know this, that women sacrifice their happiness a little more than is necessary, but this is very dangerous ground to tread on. Not to sound like an anti-bra-wearing feminist, but fact is, men are selfish creatures. They could put their wives and children at great risk for the sake of one chic, they go for what they want, that job or chic they want, without caring what you feel and think. They have learnt the art of self-love and personal gratification. They make love when they want, how they want, how long they wantâ€¦etc. If it is all about them, why shouldnâ€™t it be all about youâ€¦and your children (maybe?)
Readers Bonus: Now I know that not all men are what I mentioned previously. There are a few who are possibly angels with halos above their heads, they donâ€™t cheat, they are selfless, they love their women (wow, feels so awkward saying this). Maybe lady luck shined upon you, and you nailed one like this, or so you think. If you are in this category, well, congratulations. To you I say shikilia papo hapo!
Read more of Njoki HERE