Photo: TV Personality Betty Kyalo whose marriage ended in less than year over infidelity.
Frequently most men call me to tell how they are heartbroken after discovering that their wives or long-term girlfriend has cheated on them.
Often, they are the good men, the faithful type, the providers, the committed type whose marriage mean heaven and earth for them.
They all say the same thing:
“Silas, there is nothing I have not done for her…”
They list all the good things they have done for the woman. They had this hope, however forlorn that the good they did could insulate them from the vagaries of infidelity.
As I have said here severally, good intentions, good actions, roho safi, good behaviour and such do not guarantee that life will protect you from harm. In fact the nicer you are, the better a person you are, the more life treats you like John the Baptist.
These men always assume that the cheating had to do with them. And I encourage them that a cheating person will cheat. Regardless of what you to them. Tarmac a road with gold to Mars, carry them in white hoarse carriages and do all that, they will cheat. Not even a grand wedding. A good background. A good education. Being religious cannot stop a cheater.
Women cheat on kings. Cheat on presidents. Cheat on military generals. Cheat on their rich men. Cheat on the poor men. They cheat on men who know how to lay the pipe like they work for undersea cable layers. In fact I have seen men whose bedroom prowess is peer-reviewed by many women being cheated on.
I hear the hurt voices of these men, totally unbelieving what their world is coming to and all I can tell them, release her, give the freedom to do as she pleases.
I wrote about this in my Nairobian column more than five years ago where I said that your wife will cheat on you, live with that possibility.
Living with the knowledge that cheating is part of the occupational hazards of dating and marriage, give you sufficient shock absorber a such that when it happens (and it most likely will), you will hurt but you will have enough shocks and airbags to deal with it.
Don’t beat yourself too hard. Don’t be violent. Don’t revenge or such. Don’t ask “after all I did, she could still”. Anything you do to a woman doesn’t matter in the larger scheme of things in her world.
It is more than ten years since a woman cheated on me. And man, the excuse she gave me, is something I still think about to date. She cheated to punish me for a totally nonsexual offence on my part. Ni Kama utumwe maziwa usahau. Then she punishes you for that by sleeping with another man. Goes to show.
In short, I urge men to have an abundance mentality. There are far more beautiful women out here you can try and with luck you can get a faithful one. Sometimes, we go for low-quality and that is the price you pay. If it ever happens, dust yourself up and date a better person.
I have written extensively about this topic in upcoming books where I explore various reasons why women cheat and I explain why it should be the least of your worries. In fact always make it clear to your that you are ready to lose her. I explain this too. Keep signing up.
PS: this post in no way negates what women go through when they are cheated on. The post only touches what infidelity to men.
By S N via FB