Photo: CAS Health Ms Mwangangi,a model wife material that all men wish for…
Memo No. 27 from The National Welfare Desk of Men
Lessons from 2020: Last Memo of the Year
It is dedicated to all good men.
As the bad year draws to an end, I have compiled the best lessons we have learned this year. Without further ado, here we go.
1. Don’t ever allow anyone, male or female to waste your time. You can never replace lost time. So, cut off anyone who needs you for their convenience and expediency. However desperate you are, retain some dignity for self.
2. If you are in your 20s, and unmarried, postpone your marriage until you are at least 32. They say, when you skip marriage in your 20s, you have potentially avoided your first divorce. Marriage has a lot of material responsibilities and whoever who tells you, ‘anzia popote, mtasaidiana,’ is a witch, report him to the nearest police station.
3. I saw this quote on Twitter handle ‘the Kelechi+ @_igwilo and it is my mantra for 2021:
“What if it does work out exactly how you imagined it or greater. Entertain that thought.”
4. Failure is a temporary stage in life. If you fail in business, marriage, or career, don’t let it define you. Be resilient. Bounce back and you can always go ahead to conquer.
5. Don’t be a loser. If you lose, retain some measure of dignity and rise. Success is the only acceptable form of revenge.
6. Shower daily. Buy some nice clothes for yourself (no matter what). Buy some cologne. Smell nice. Also, use a mouth wash regularly. Visit a dentist once or twice year, if you can afford.
7. Always think positively. The mind is a powerful thing. Think highly of yourself (don’t get delusional, though), tell yourself you are strong and better, even when the weight of the world is on your shoulder.
8. Everyone is fighting their own demons. Be slow to judge or to draw conclusions.
9. You will always have haters. But as they say, the loudest boos come from the cheapest seats.
10. If you are young (under 32) and you make your first million now, spend it like it is the last one. Invest in the right stuff; good house, some asset that come in handy in rainy days. Don’t spend the cash on women or a good time. That is fleeting and you will regret. The rule applies to older people as well. Pesa uisha. Always invest wisely. Spend every coin like it is your last.
11. You may end up alone in your 50s. Make sure you have some money, as life will more bearable and tolerable that way. Playing golf is better than ajua or draughts.
12. If you are young, have male friends older than you, by each decade. If you are 20, have good male friends in their 30s, 40s, 50s. Learn from their best choices and fuckups.
13. Drink for leisure and pleasure, not to drown pain. The car doesn’t know its way home.
14. Don’t buy the second mzinga, if the first was enough. Never measure balls in a bar. Drink what you can afford, bro. Life is not a competition.
Last Notes on Women
15. Always chase high quality women. High quality is not about money or academic papers. I explore this topic a great deal, in our African and Nairobi context in my upcoming book. Keep signing up, see form in the comment section.
16. As brother Rollo Tomasi, reminds us, a woman is a compliment to your life, a by-product of your success and must never be a focus of your life. Have a higher mission, high purpose and fix your frame.
17. If you are a married man, be a leader in your family. Marriage is a conservative institution. By being a leader, it doesn’t mean you be abusive. Just make sure you are in charge. Women like leaders.
18. One of life’s surest guarantees is that a woman will break and crush your heart (whether when dating, during marriage or even after divorce). Don’t let this crush you, no matter how old you are.
19. If she cheats on you, it is not the end of the world. Walk away peacefully and start over. Every morning remind yourself: She is not mine; it is just my turn. Also, move on as soon as possible.
20. Don’t ever live in fear of being left by a woman. Eventually she leaves. Always make her know that she can leave anytime. The one who wants to stay, will stay. Also, adopt to an abundance mentality. There are so many beautiful, wonderful, intelligent women out there. Just open your eyes. Attachment is the source of human suffering.
21. If you lose your job, you will not be treated the same way by your wife. It is like that everywhere in the world. Hang in there and if the treatment gets shittier, walk. You will be fine son.
22. Always, weigh all variables before you marry a single mother.
While the pandemic was global and has affected everyone in some way, life is like that. Each day, each year, you will receive a shock, a setback that sends you back to factory settings. It can be an illness, depression, divorce, job loss, anything. What it reminds you is that always have a backup plan.
Secondly, however dark the clouds are. However, the problems persist, there is always a bright day ahead. But you have to have the hope, the faith, that the sun will shine again in your life.
Life is not a competition. Sometimes you are ahead. Sometimes you are behind. Just stick to your mission, believe in yourself, push yourself harder and soon enough, shit works. Sometimes beyond your wildest expectations.
Here is to an ambivalent Christmas, and cautiously optimistic wait for 2021, after a year that weighed us down.
By Silas Nyanchwani via Fb
1. From next year, we will focus less and less on the other gender and talk about stuff that affects us directly and ways that we can be happy and be fulfilled as men. No need of being insulted or being called losers. We will travel. We will roast meat. We will play games. We will enjoy good music. We will read good books.
As I said, we will find safe spaces, conversations may have to go offline. But this will be communicated. Some good news coming. Keep it here.
2. For young men, 20-30, and those not yet married, consider signing up for my upcoming book, Sunday Afternoon Drink with Uncle Silas, if you have not signed up.