By Silas Nyanchwani
One of the funny but often too annoying trait of Kisii men is their cocky confidence and their mastery bullshitting. I have friends, relatives and acquitances (hii jina ni ngumu kuspell) who barely finished high school but are so confident often they pull big scams that leave my mouth wide-open.
Often they win big tenders and are far richer than my degrees and top education will ever earn me. Some of the top Kisii political brokers can hardly write a sentence in English.But often they have called me and taken me to meet some of the richest Kenyans and the faceless campaign financiers.
But where this cocky lot scores that I envy them is with women.
Back in the 1990s, as a teenager, there were those exceptionally beautiful girls across, they always came from the other ridge. These girls alwayd had the whole villagers adoring them.People gossiped about them.Investigated them and everytime it was established that some guy was lucky the collective envy of the men could power a nuclear plant.
Now, there were two types of men who always won these women: kids of the rich in the village or this cocky guys.They won them through absolute bullshit.Five cases come to mind.
I know one Mercy who scored an A in the 1990s and was the most revered human being in the village after President Moi.She went on to study BCOM or those courses offeed at Lower Kabete.She is now head of something in KCB or COOP.Guess who finally won her?When she finally finished high school, my cousin Martin, who never finished high school.
Now Martin is the ultimate bullshitter.Since he grew up in Mombasa and Nairobi,he spoke smooth Swahili and Sheng that impressed many a young girl in a provincial high school.I don’t know what trick he used since Mercy was known to be a virgin and had turned down all men including kids of the rich in the local market. Martin came from a modest home. And then one day I was given two sodas(Fanta orange and Coke) to take to the grass thatched house where Martin slept with his siblings.
Seeing Mercy and Martin in that post-coital mood in a grass thatched house was the first time I knew that life was unfair.They went on to have a very toxic, often abusive relationship into her campud year.Mercy turned out to be those chicks who like abusive relationship.
Then there was this other incident in Nyamache. A hot 20-something had been posted to a secondary school in Nyamache,Bobasi as a teacher. Back then the boys in high school were very old,with toughened beards, tall and masculine.Then one male student student decided to charm himself to the fresh graduate teacher.
What does he do?
Since he is probably older than the teacher, he decides he is a CID officer posing as a student as he investigates exam leakages. The man was living in his brother’s permanent house.The brother was in America then.
So the female teacher buys his bullshit hook, line and sinker.She starts dating the guy.She is open about it.And the whole village knows.The man is treated as a hero as the woman discovers to her
horror that she is sleepin with her student.
There was a third story,even funnier.But train imefika wasee tutaimaliza baadaye.