Photo: Former Prime Minister Dr Engineer Raila Amolo Odinga is expected to run for presidency in 2022 but has not yet announced officially. CS Matiangi and UNCTAD Sec Gen Dr Mukhisa Kituyi are also said to have formed exploratory committees to advise if their candidature will be viable.
I’m running for political office in 2020.
I know I will be beaten, literally, like a stray dog, and that I will be lucky to garner 50 votes from my Harambee stronghold. But what the heck.
My reasons for running are not noble. I don’t want to help people. Making laws is hilarious because I’m a lawless man who breaks the law at the slightest opportunity.
I’m no public speaker either. I stammer and talk too fast. I’m also averse to suits and ties. And with the concentration of a fly, and my disdain for reading difficult things, like policy briefs, I will probably just yawn out my entire five years in the August House.
I loathe public places, dancing, and workshops. I can’t stand noise, and heckling and shouting. I’m a loner and people crowding around me, phoning and knocking on my door at weird hours would drive me nuts. As would the militia I would need to escort me into enemy territory. And don’t even get me started about having to eat tear gas and share three quarters of my salary with my constituents. Why the hell should I give them my money?
So why am I running?
Well… I have never “officially opened” anything in my life. Not even a birthday party. I have written hundreds of speeches, but never read one. A traditional dance has never been staged in my honour. And I have never sat on a dais, poorly cooked rice in my tummy, mineral water and tepid sodas facing me, looking out at the tumunduz roasting in the sun, totally smitten by my presence.
I’m running for this shit. I will lose, I know, but the campaign will accord me the opportunity to “officially open” something, even if it’s a wobbly wooden footbridge across River Namasanda.
By Ted Malanda via Facebook a very hilarious piece !