Dear Sir Bob,
I hear you just got hitched to Wambui in a private and simple wedding. Congratulations. Thank you for creating another billionaire in Mt. Kenya. Sir, remember even as you celebrate getting a ‘wife’ – which is a good thing according to the holy Book, – someone is smiling to the bank after hitting the greatest Jackpot world over.
Comrade Bob, I am sure right now you think you are the luckiest bloke on planet earth – God forbid; you are not. In fact, you are the greatest fool, Oh! Sorry Sir. Please reexamine your illusion. For your information, you are one of the most unlucky men South of Sahara, North of Limpopo and East of Migingo.
Bwana Bob, with all due respect, I have a simple question for you, before saying ‘I DO, did you ask yourself why the Mt. Kenya region has the highest number of widowed billionaire women per square kilometre? Have you forgotten Honore de Balzac advice that “Behind every great fortune lies a great crime”?
Boss, word is doing rounds that you eloped with a powerful man’s wife. I have also learnt that you used to secretly have carnal knowledge with her. Oh! I beg your pardon. That is a non-issue given that their men do not care losing them to other men as long as it is not money they are losing.
Sir, SM Otieno died mysteriously, they took away all his wealth and gave it to some boy called Mbugua to enjoy it. They attempted hon. Orengo but he was too smart to fall for their snare. Recently they tried Weta but he was smart too.
If you want to prove what I am telling you, I’ll use my village as a case study. Go there and try looking for a grave of any Mt. Kenya woman that was married there, lived happily, died and was buried there. I am just a Banana Peddler but if you show me a single grave, I can afford some two Guinness for you.
Sir, suppose you were economically pitiable just like some of these other boys around, would she have cheated on her hubby with you? Would she have wrestled her hubby in court for divorce? If you were as resourceless as these humble boys around, would Wambui have hired Judy Thongori, one of the best family barristers-at-law, to help her unload herself from her hubby for you?
One more thing Sir., I hope our bundles are safe in her hands.
I wish you the best of luck Sir.
Albert Nyakundi Amenya – Banana Peddler, the County of Kisii